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Band 5.5

In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion

#parts #world #coverage #sport #television #people #part
These days- it is noticeable that young
people
 are becoming less interested in team games,
sports
 and other forms of exercise. It is mY belief that
this
iS
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 mainly because of our everyday work, which is increasingly sedentary.
Besides
, I think every person would admit that sitting and relaxing is much easier than moving and running and sweating The question is, how much of
this
 laziness is because of the
sports
programmes
 on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
? From one point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 it could be true that these
programmes
 make young
people
 lazy.
However
,
this
 may be because some
people
 who like
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, and
also
 like watching
sports
, are attracted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
programmes
 and spend so much time watching
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 that there is no spare time for them to participate themselves.
By contrast
, watching
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 may encourage some other young
people
 to take up
sport
Add an article
the sport
a sport
show examples
, as these individuals might like that
sport
 and
consequently
 want to try it to see how it feels. Watching
such
programmes
 on television can make us feel that we want to be active, want to play basketball, or go swimming and so on.
Thus
, _I would suggest that there are positive aspects of watching
sports
programmes
 In my opinion, the fundamental issue is the reason why we like
sport
. Does an individual like
sport
 merely as a spectator or as a participant? If the reason is simply the pleasure of watching other
people
 playing
sports
, that person will never want to be among those who take part.
However
, if a person enjoys being active and joining in,
then
Sports
programmes
 will never prevent
this
Submitted by Taha Sol. on

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task achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning statistics or studies about youth participation in sports could add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Refine your language to avoid casual expressions such as 'much easier' or 'these days'. A more formal tone will enhance the quality of your response.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay presents a clear structure, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively, acknowledging the role of sports programs in both discouraging and encouraging participation among youth.
coherence cohesion
The coherent structure allows readers to follow your argument from introduction to conclusion with ease. Each paragraph has a clear focus which is maintained throughout.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively ties back to the main idea, reiterating personal opinion based on the discussion presented in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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