“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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People hold different views about whether
communication
with modern
technology
facilitates interpersonal connections or not. Personally, I agree strongly that new technological developments have expanded social
lives
by
email
and messaging in today's community.
This
essay demonstrates
firstly
, the positive aspects of modern form
communication
followed by emerging damages like reducing face-to-face talks , are not valid how much is exaggerated. New innovations in
technology
have been increasing interpersonal conversation nowadays. People can stay in touch with their families or other loved ones regardless of distances and geographical barriers.
That is
to say that as the modern job demands a large number of employees should journey abroad, or many youngs effort to gain study in foreign nations unless are concerned about
communication
with their families.
In addition
, by
email
and messaging parents can be informed about their children's condition instantly which is a very vital option for families with both working parents.
Consequently
,
email
and messaging help to combat feelings of loneliness and nervousness,
as well as
, encourage them to concentrate on their daily professional tasks that lead to
flourish
Change the verb form
flourishing
show examples
people's
socail
Correct your spelling
social
lives
.
On the other hand
, some claim that new technological devices
such
as smartphones reduce face-to-face contact, especially among the young. It is undeniable that the young generation used to chat with each other on their smartphones mostly.
Such
form of
communication
as virtual destroys real friend bands and deter conversating facingly which leads to social phobia and anxiety and damages social
lives
.
However
, chatting online is creating
this
serious trouble at increasing speed, it can be dealt with by the convenient utilization of
technology
and encouraging young to participate in different sports, and social activities at an early age. In conclusion, modern
technology
and its opportunities in
communication
such
as messaging or
email
offer very expanded facilities for our social
lives
, and negative effects can be minimised through their proper usage.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments and illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and readability. Revising and proofreading can help.
task achievement
Consider addressing opposing viewpoints in more detail to show a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the context for the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, giving a clear ending to your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the topic.
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