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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

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There is no denying the fact that in many countries
people
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 are moving from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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.
This
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 essay will explain the reasons why
people
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move
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 from their hometowns to big
cities
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.
To begin
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 with, nowadays a
lot
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 of
people
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 looking for new opportunities and they want to enhance their lifestyle and get high salaries.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can not be found in small villages or
cities
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, and these reasons will make them
move
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 to urban places.
For instance
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, doctors prefer to work in big universities to be close to new studies and to get a high income, some of them believe it is better than having a job in a small city without any development.
In addition
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, a
lot
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 of
people
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 think big and modern
cities
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 can help their children to be successful in the future.
In other words
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, raising children in a good environment will help the parents a
lot
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,
therefore
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, most
people
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 would like to get any chance that might positively affect their kids. In terms of the side effects of
this
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 trend, a
lot
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 of job positions would be empty with no one. It is
also
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 possible to say that if doctors decide to
move
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 from their rural
areas
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 and look for opportunities
in
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apply
show examples
somewhere else,
this
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 decision, will impact the community. Imagine if someone needs medicine he will be forced to
move
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 to another area to get what he wants.
Moreover
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, If
people
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 decide to leave the rural
areas
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 in the next few years the urban
cities
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 will be crowded and suffer from
this
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 issue.
For instance
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, with the population growing most
of
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apply
show examples
cities
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 can not expand as fast as the population increases.
Moreover
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, big places will not only face the growing but
also
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 the
people
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 migration. In conclusion, nowadays human begins to travel from their small place looking for any modern spot. It is
also
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 possible to say that, a
lot
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 of circumstances and problems will appear because of
this
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 decision.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the conclusion summarises key points made in the essay to provide a clear closing.
coherence cohesion
Utilise linking words more frequently to smoothly transition between ideas or paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop examples further to strengthen points made. Adding more specific details can help clarify arguments.
task achievement
Review language use for small inaccuracies, and consider sentence structure variety to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which creates a strong framework for the main arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task and stays relevant, addressing the reasons people move to urban areas and the problems this causes.
task achievement
The points presented are logical and supported with examples, such as how the relocation might affect children's future success.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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