In some culture, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this message?

#culture #children #message

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There is a message for

children

Use synonyms

says

Correct pronoun usage

that says

show examples

they can achieve anything they want if they try enough, to

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

them plan their way in life, for some

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

it is a beneficial message. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of

send

Change the verb form

sending

show examples

this

Linking Words

idea to

children

Use synonyms

. To commence with advantages,

this

Linking Words

message conveys to

children

Use synonyms

that everything in

this

Linking Words

world can be achieved.

This

Linking Words

letter teaches them that hard

work

Use synonyms

is required in all aspects of life. As it teaches them the discipline needed to achieve their goals.

For example

Linking Words

, when a child

plan

Correct subject-verb agreement

plans

show examples

to become an athlete when he is older,

this

Linking Words

letter

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

him believe his goal and

work

Use synonyms

to reach it. When we talk about disadvantages,

every one

Replace the word

everyone

show examples

in life has a place to reach no matter if they

work

Use synonyms

hard or not. When we make

children

Use synonyms

believe that they can reach the highest point of their goal, and they

work

Use synonyms

hard and focus strongly on

this

Linking Words

goal

then

Linking Words

they can not reach it for some reasons,

this

Linking Words

can

causes

Change the verb form

cause

show examples

some

harms

Fix the agreement mistake

harm

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

them

such

Linking Words

as they may

can

Verb problem

apply

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not

work

Use synonyms

to achieve another goal, their mental health will be affected and they may have feelings of imperfection.

For instance

Linking Words

, if a child works hard to become a good football player to play in a big team

then

Linking Words

the team doesn't choose him because the team doesn't have enough money to buy him, he may stop and not complete the challenge. In conclusion, it is important to be aware of

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

letters as

Correct pronoun usage

they

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help kids plan big dreams far from their reality and not give up

from

Change preposition

show examples

hard

Add an article

the hard

show examples

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

they may face

nevertheless

Linking Words

, we can not ignore the truth that it is can back on them and affect their other goals, health and feelings.

Submitted by danall1kat on Fri Oct 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to develop a more logical structure in your essay. Ensure that each point flows naturally from one to the other. A clear progression of ideas will improve coherence.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your essay by illustrating your arguments clearly and making them more relatable.

task achievement

While you addressed both advantages and disadvantages, consider delving deeper into each point to make your ideas more comprehensive. This will give the reader a better understanding of your perspective.

coherence cohesion

Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a structured framework and helps guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced perspective that fits well within the task requirements.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

persistence
resilience
self-esteem
confidence
motivation
disappointment
frustration
unrealistic expectations
talent
opportunity
socio-economic conditions
success
failure
learning process
valuable lessons
pressure
stress
anxiety
fear of failure
mental health

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In some culture, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this message?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think is the cause for this? What a possible solution can you suggest?

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised.Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?