In some culture, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this message?
There is a message for
children
says
they can achieve anything they want if they try enough, to Correct pronoun usage
that says
helps
them plan their way in life, for some Wrong verb form
help
culture
it is a beneficial message. In Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
this
essay, I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of send
Change the verb form
sending
this
idea to children
.
To commence with advantages, this
message conveys to children
that everything in this
world can be achieved. This
letter teaches them that hard work
is required in all aspects of life. As it teaches them the discipline needed to achieve their goals. For example
, when a child plan
to become an athlete when he is older, Correct subject-verb agreement
plans
this
letter make
him believe his goal and Change the verb form
makes
work
to reach it.
When we talk about disadvantages, every one
in life has a place to reach no matter if they Replace the word
everyone
work
hard or not. When we make children
believe that they can reach the highest point of their goal, and they work
hard and focus strongly on this
goal then
they can not reach it for some reasons, this
can causes
some Change the verb form
cause
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
on
them Change preposition
to
such
as they may can
not Verb problem
apply
work
to achieve another goal, their mental health will be affected and they may have feelings of imperfection. For instance
, if a child works hard to become a good football player to play in a big team then
the team doesn't choose him because the team doesn't have enough money to buy him, he may stop and not complete the challenge.
In conclusion, it is important to be aware of advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
letters as Correct determiner usage
these
it
help kids plan big dreams far from their reality and not give up Correct pronoun usage
they
from
Change preposition
on
hard
Add an article
the hard
way
they may face Fix the agreement mistake
ways
nevertheless
, we can not ignore the truth that it is can back on them and affect their other goals, health and feelings.Submitted by danall1kat on
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coherence cohesion
Try to develop a more logical structure in your essay. Ensure that each point flows naturally from one to the other. A clear progression of ideas will improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your essay by illustrating your arguments clearly and making them more relatable.
task achievement
While you addressed both advantages and disadvantages, consider delving deeper into each point to make your ideas more comprehensive. This will give the reader a better understanding of your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a structured framework and helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced perspective that fits well within the task requirements.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite