The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that the
government
should allocate money to research into medicine to ensure public health
instead
of spending it on environmental protection. While
investing in scientific study to improve people’s health
is a sensible course of action, it should not come at the expense of funds given to environmental conservation.
Advancing medical research is crucial for developing treatments, vaccines
, and improving Correct word choice
and vaccines
overall
health
outcomes. This
is more relevant than ever as many viruses, microbes, and bacteria are becoming antibiotic resistant
, and a multitude of unfamiliar diseases are surfacing. Add a hyphen
antibiotic-resistant
For example
, the recent COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted the urgent need for the development of new drugs and vaccines. The pandemic caused global health
and economic impacts, emphasizing the importance of having effective global interventions to prevent, treat, and control infectious diseases. Without the government
’s support to set up laboratories and experiment with new drugs, it is difficult for scientists to come up with a viable solution to protect public health
.
In my opinion, however
, protecting the environment should be given equal importance. If the government
stops dedicating funding to establish and manage protected areas, national parks, and wildlife areas, the current situation, which is already bad, becomes even worse. This
is why the government
should invest in maintaining ecological integrity, conducting habitat restoration, and preventing illegal activities. Additionally
, the government
's allocation plays a crucial role in increasing environmental awareness. It can set aside funds for educational programs and public awareness campaigns to promote environmental literacy, sustainable practices, and behavioral
changes. All these initiatives require substantial expenses.
In conclusion, Change the spelling
behavioural
although
I realize the significance of investing in advancing medical research to develop better treatments and vaccines, I doubt neglecting environmental protection is a reasonable action as the environment cannot sustain itself without financial support from the government
.Submitted by minimix1203 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and effectively covers both aspects of the question. However, consider linking the two main points more explicitly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, particularly with the COVID-19 pandemic. Further diverse examples could strengthen your argument even more.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence, you might include more transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion very well.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that succinctly sums up your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay includes pertinent and specific examples which add weight to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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