In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extenet do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society #extenet

In some states, folk are now living longer, than in the old time. Some people see

Remove the article

apply

show examples

ageing as

cause

Add an article

a cause

show examples

Add an article

the issue

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

While

others think about the situation as a positive factor in the given circumstance.

This

essay will explain how an

elder

Replace the word

elderly

show examples

population influences by restoring a culture and tradition in different republics which is critical in the global world but

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

not nowadays ,

nevertheless

, it still doesn't outweigh

Correct article usage

the

show examples

financial pressure on the governments that will uplift

spendings

Fix the agreement mistake

spending

show examples

to provide help for pensioners. In terms of precipitation, an

increasing

Replace the word

increase

show examples

elder

Correct word choice

elderly

show examples

folk in society often

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

conservative government because most of the old

lives

Correct subject-verb agreement

live

show examples

expereance

Correct your spelling

experience

and knowledge that has already

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

inaccurate. Notably, it can insist

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technologycal

Correct your spelling

technological

development which plays a critical position around the world.

For example

, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Add an article

the european

show examples

european

Change the capitalization

European

show examples

countries have a problem with

devoloping

Correct your spelling

developing

online

govenrment

Correct your spelling

government

services that lead to more comfortable work and less

burecrasy

Correct your spelling

bureaucracy

However

, they do not go in that way for

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

this

is irrelable for the old.

Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on Sat Oct 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To enhance task achievement, make sure to address all parts of the task comprehensively. Discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, and offer a balanced perspective. Additionally, ensure that your examples clearly support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure there's a clear introduction and conclusion, and that your main points are clearly supported by evidence or examples. Try using linking words or phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.

language and vocabulary

Check for grammatical and vocabulary inaccuracies, and try to use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary. This will make your essay more fluent and easy to understand.

task achievement

The essay covers both the potential benefits and drawbacks of an ageing population, showing an understanding of the topic from different perspectives.

task achievement

The essay acknowledges the cultural and societal impact of an ageing population, which demonstrates an awareness of more complex issues related to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

173 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It argued that homeschooling for the toddlers is the best option in comparison with send them to the kindergarten. In my personal opinion, attending actual kindergarten is the best option for children in their early childhood for two main reasons. First, conventional kindergarten is much more efficient in budget. Then, the needs for socialization which an important factor for youngster mental development only can be fulfilled by attending kindergarten.
5
band
Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Nowadays, starting an occupation on the accurate time is one of the most significant issues among the youth; there is a group who opines that mature students ought to have a temporary job during their education period in schools and colleges. Taking such action will bear some drawbacks and positive points, all of which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
6.5
band
Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people says trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary urban planning, the debate between utilizing vacant areas in cities and towns for planting trees or building housing facilities is highly contentious. While both perspectives have their merits, I strongly believe that planting trees should be prioritized in these spaces due to the significant environmental and social benefits they offer.
5
band
A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?
Violence on television and in computer games has been a matter of different opinions, some people think that it influencespeople's behaviour with a damaging effect on the population. Others disagree with such a statement, they believe that these factors do not have a significant consequence on society. In my opinion, everything shown on television and in computer games have some level of influence on some individuals, but not in society, the people´s behaviou does not depend on what those influences could bring to a person, instead it depends on all the things that surround people’s education, such as family, schools, friends, and so on.
7
band
Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals have a lot of influence. What is your opinions?
Many people nowadays stand in the position that the author of a nation has an important role in altering the social circumstance, notwithstanding, many people have contradictions in individual roles. Nevertheless, in my point of view, people's power as citizens has an equal value to the government and can severely impact the regulations and social structures.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people says trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals have a lot of influence. What is your opinions?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+