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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 choose to cure their health problems at home by using traditional remedies rather than visiting medical
doctors
Use synonyms
. It seems to me that the drawbacks will outweigh the benefits of it. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose other options to avoid seeing
doctors
Use synonyms
 mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the medical expenses.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it might be effective in some cases
such
Linking Words
 as flu, cough, and headache, which can be recovered easily after taking antibiotics,
as well as
Linking Words
 it is easy to buy at a pharmacy without any prescription from the
doctors
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a disease like the flu can be cured traditionally,
for instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from Asian countries use gingers, garlic, and honey as medicine in curing. Despite the recovery for small cases,
however
Linking Words
, visiting hospitals is profoundly important for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there might be some disadvantages of refusing to see the
doctors
Use synonyms
 since some diseases cannot be seen with normal eyes, which urges
people
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 to have check-ups at the hospitals.
As a result
Linking Words
 of visiting conventional
doctors
Use synonyms
, the speed of recovery is probably faster for some material cases like stomachache. If a patient does not undergo any medical test for that, the condition may worsen and lead to severe consequences, possibly even death,
due to
Linking Words
 untreated pain which
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from inside. In that case, it is obvious that professionals from the medical industry are essential for human well-being, in turn, individuals should consult their usual
doctors
Use synonyms
 when health problems occur.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in my humble opinion, it is not a good habit to reject doing medical check-ups with
doctors
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 to reduce expenditures, as
this
Linking Words
 might lead to worse the disease,
hence
Linking Words
, the negative impact is greater than the positive.
Submitted by mamamonkey45 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved using linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion, considering both sides in greater depth. Discuss both the potential advantages and disadvantages of using alternative medicine, even if you have a clear position.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on some of the ideas mentioned, such as the drawbacks of alternative medicine, by providing more detailed explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the points, such as the use of ginger, garlic, and honey for flu in Asian countries.
task achievement
The response fully addresses the essay prompt, making a clear argument regarding the drawbacks of alternative medicine compared to conventional medicine.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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