IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows tourism statistics among Venezuelian students from 2011 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 150 words

The graph below shows tourism statistics among Venezuelian students from 2011 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 150 words
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of visiting Venezuelan
students
Use synonyms
 between 2011
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2014. After analysing the line graph, it can be seen clearly that in 2011, the
number
Use synonyms
 of visiting
students
Use synonyms
 was 15000 in
London
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in Paris it was 10000 in the same year.After that, in
London
Use synonyms
, there was
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase in figure till 2014.
whereas
Linking Words
, in Paris, the amount went up to 13000 in 2012 ,
then
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 surged to 20000 in 2013.
Then
Linking Words
 noticeably decreased to 18000 at the
last
Linking Words
 year.In 2014, there was a small difference in digits of visiting
students
Use synonyms
 between Paris and
Rome
Use synonyms
 Moving toward
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Rome
Use synonyms
, in 2011 the visiting
students
Use synonyms
 was highest in
Rome
Use synonyms
 whilst the numbers dropped to around
about to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
12000 from 18000 in 2012.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2013 the numbers
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 to approximately 17000. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there was a minor decline in the
number
Use synonyms
 of visiting
students
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in 2014, the total
number
Use synonyms
 was 16000.
London
Use synonyms
 had the biggest digits of visiting
students
Use synonyms
 in 2014
while
Linking Words
Rome
Use synonyms
 had the lowest.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most visited place in
London
Use synonyms
 and the least visited region was
Rome
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, london, rome with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: