A recent newspaper article reported that a 14 years old boy who seriously destroyed his school got the punishment to clean Street instead of being sent to prison. Do you think this is right or do you think that such criminal should be sent to prison.
There is no denying the fact that every criminal has to get the
right
punishment
for him. While
it is a commonly held belief that prison
is a criminal place, there is Change the article
a prison
also
an argument that opposes it . In my opinion, I consider that the child was guilty and he deserves a more suitable punishment
.
To begin
with, it is right
to punish the minor criminals. In other words
, he was just a kid who made a big mistake and, he should know that every mistake has consequences, and it was the right
thing he got the punishment
but, I believe there is another more appropriate punishment
to apply such
as apologizing to the students and the teachers or teach others about his mistake. In addition
, sending the kid to prison can destroy the child. For example
, if the government sends a 14-year-old boy to prison that can lead to bigger problems if the imprisoned people affected the child it would have a serious impact.
Another point to consider, children are capable of change. It is possible to say that if adults deal with children in the right
way, they will change. Moreover
, cleaning the street as a punishment
will not work. For instance
, studies in Japan in 2010, show that every criminal has to have the right
punishment
to achieve the goal of punishment
.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
Children always make mistakes , adults should forgive them and teach them the right
lessonsSubmitted by alaa5942005 on
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structure
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to give a more comprehensive overview of your argument. Ensure the introduction clearly states your position and summarizes the main points. Similarly, the conclusion should succinctly restate your position and main points without introducing new information.
content
Add more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, you could include details about the impacts of various types of punishments on young offenders, referencing research or real-life cases.
coherence
Polish your transitions within and between paragraphs to improve readability and flow. Make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and use clear linking words and phrases to ensure smooth progression of ideas.
content
Your main ideas are clear and directly address the essay prompt, ensuring that your response stays on topic throughout.
content
You present a balanced view by considering different perspectives on the issue, which enriches your argument.
structure
The essay maintains a fairly logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point related to your overall argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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