Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professinals #money #people #professions

Nowadays,

Correct article usage

the sport

show examples

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

industry is the one of

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

that is

growing significantly. Many people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are

altheltes

Correct your spelling

athletes

struggling

due to

Correct article usage

the intese

show examples

intese

Correct your spelling

intense

of competition. Anywise, some of

altheltes

Correct your spelling

these

deal a

good

Correct word choice

better

show examples

amount of money than other professions which is more important , making some people think

this

unfair

Add a missing verb

is unfair

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

them. I

pesonally

Correct your spelling

personally

believe that every career

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

important job for making

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

better. On the one hand,

Sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

Sportsmen

show examples

is the career that

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

low percentage of

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sucessful

Correct your spelling

successful

because they have

pratice

Correct your spelling

practised

very hard to be the best in the world or outstanding than other players, to

illustates

Correct your spelling

illustrate

illustrates

, Michael Jordan is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one of the greatest basketball

player

Change to a plural noun

players

show examples

who are dominating any players, many of social media said that he is gifted or talented.

However

, in the background, he

pratices

Correct your spelling

practices

practised

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

very hard using discipline and his

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

to be that

skillful

Change the spelling

skilful

show examples

Besides

this

sportsman

can bring

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fame to the

country

for example

, the American former team which

parcipitated

Correct your spelling

precipitated

participated

Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

show examples

games and won, making

reputation

Correct article usage

a reputation

show examples

and their names to the

country

On the other hand

, other

profession

Replace the word

professionals

show examples

such

Add an article

a doctor

show examples

doctor

Fix the agreement mistake

doctors

show examples

farmer

Fix the agreement mistake

farmers

show examples

and so on should

recieved

Correct your spelling

received

receive

more funds from

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

because

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

careers

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the cornerstone of the countries and play an important role

to make

Change preposition

in making

show examples

the

country

more prosperous,

for example

, a doctor is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

occupation who works

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

10 hours a day.

However

, it is not enough because it takes many

knowledges

Fix the agreement mistake

knowledge

show examples

to be a doctor. For

this

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

, making some people think it is unfair

comparing

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

to the

sportsman

's salary. In conclusion,

sportsman

deserved

Wrong verb form

deserve

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

high amount of cash

due to

their

hardworks

Correct your spelling

hard work

and low

oppurturnity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

sucessful

Correct your spelling

successful

. Anywise,

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that every

occupations

Change to a singular noun

occupation

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

its own

important

Replace the word

importance

show examples

to make the world better.

Submitted by pondzaxdxd55xdxd1 on Mon Oct 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar

Try to improve spelling and grammar accuracy to enhance clarity.

Content Development

Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and analysis.

Structure

Consider balancing the length of each paragraph to improve coherence.

Structure

Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.

Task Response

You have addressed both views on the topic, which fulfils the task requirements effectively.

Content

Your use of examples, such as mentioning Michael Jordan and Olympic games, helps to illustrate your points.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

commercial value
entertainment aspect
revenue
advertising
merchandising
broadcasting rights
exceptional talent
span of their careers
crucial
well-being
development of society
pay disparity
societal values
financial recognition
essential services
balanced approach
invaluable contributions
equitable society
distribution of wealth
intrinsic value

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Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal life. Does the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.

Some employers are giving more value on hiring people with good social skills apart from good qualifications. Do you agree or disagree that social skills are just as crucial as good qualification for successful work?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+