Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
Correct article usage
the sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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industry is the one of
business
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businesses
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that is
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growing significantly. Many people
who
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apply
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are
altheltes
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athletes
struggling
due to
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Correct article usage
the intese
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intese
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intense
of competition. Anywise, some of
altheltes
Correct your spelling
these
deal a
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
amount of money than other professions which is more important , making some people think
this
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unfair
Add a missing verb
is unfair
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for
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to
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them. I
pesonally
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personally
believe that every career
have
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has
show examples
the
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an
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important job for making
Use synonyms
country
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the country
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better. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
Sportsman
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Sportsmen
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is the career that
have
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has
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
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low percentage of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sucessful
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successful
because they have
pratice
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practised
very hard to be the best in the world or outstanding than other players, to
illustates
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illustrate
illustrates
, Michael Jordan is
the
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apply
show examples
one of the greatest basketball
player
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players
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who are dominating any players, many of social media said that he is gifted or talented.
However
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, in the background, he
pratices
Correct your spelling
practices
practised
everyday
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every day
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very hard using discipline and his
hardwork
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hard work
to be that
skillful
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skilful
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.
Besides
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this
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,
sportsman
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can bring
the
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apply
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fame to the
country
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,
for example
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, the American former team which
parcipitated
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precipitated
participated
in
Olympic
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the Olympic
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games and won, making
reputation
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a reputation
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and their names to the
country
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.
On the other hand
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, other
profession
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professionals
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such
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as
Add an article
a doctor
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doctor
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doctors
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,
farmer
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farmers
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and so on should
recieved
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received
receive
more funds from
government
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the government
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because
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this
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these
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careers
is
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are
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the cornerstone of the countries and play an important role
to make
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in making
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the
country
Use synonyms
more prosperous,
for example
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, a doctor is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
occupation who works
atleast
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at least
10 hours a day.
However
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, it is not enough because it takes many
knowledges
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knowledge
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to be a doctor. For
this
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reasons
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reason
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, making some people think it is unfair
comparing
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compared
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to the
sportsman
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's salary. In conclusion,
sportsman
Use synonyms
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
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the
Correct article usage
a
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high amount of cash
due to
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their
hardworks
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hard work
and low
oppurturnity
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opportunity
to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
. Anywise,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that every
occupations
Change to a singular noun
occupation
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
its own
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
to make the world better.
Submitted by pondzaxdxd55xdxd1 on

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Grammar
Try to improve spelling and grammar accuracy to enhance clarity.
Content Development
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and analysis.
Structure
Consider balancing the length of each paragraph to improve coherence.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.
Task Response
You have addressed both views on the topic, which fulfils the task requirements effectively.
Content
Your use of examples, such as mentioning Michael Jordan and Olympic games, helps to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commercial value
  • entertainment aspect
  • revenue
  • advertising
  • merchandising
  • broadcasting rights
  • exceptional talent
  • span of their careers
  • crucial
  • well-being
  • development of society
  • pay disparity
  • societal values
  • financial recognition
  • essential services
  • balanced approach
  • invaluable contributions
  • equitable society
  • distribution of wealth
  • intrinsic value
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