Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
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the sport
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sport
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sports
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industry is the one of
business
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businesses
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that is
growing significantly. Many people
who
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apply
show examples
are
altheltes
Correct your spelling
athletes
struggling
due to
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the intese
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intese
Correct your spelling
intense
of competition. Anywise, some of
altheltes
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these
deal a
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
amount of money than other professions which is more important , making some people think
this
unfair
Add a missing verb
is unfair
show examples
for
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to
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them. I
pesonally
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personally
believe that every career
have
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has
show examples
the
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an
show examples
important job for making
country
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the country
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better. On the one hand,
Sportsman
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Sportsmen
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is the career that
have
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has
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
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low percentage of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sucessful
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successful
because they have
pratice
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practised
very hard to be the best in the world or outstanding than other players, to
illustates
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illustrate
illustrates
, Michael Jordan is
the
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apply
show examples
one of the greatest basketball
player
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players
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who are dominating any players, many of social media said that he is gifted or talented.
However
, in the background, he
pratices
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practices
practised
everyday
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every day
show examples
very hard using discipline and his
hardwork
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hard work
to be that
skillful
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skilful
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.
Besides
this
,
sportsman
can bring
the
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apply
show examples
fame to the
country
,
for example
, the American former team which
parcipitated
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precipitated
participated
in
Olympic
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the Olympic
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games and won, making
reputation
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a reputation
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and their names to the
country
.
On the other hand
, other
profession
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professionals
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such
as
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a doctor
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doctor
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doctors
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,
farmer
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farmers
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and so on should
recieved
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received
receive
more funds from
government
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the government
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because
this
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these
show examples
careers
is
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are
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the cornerstone of the countries and play an important role
to make
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in making
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the
country
more prosperous,
for example
, a doctor is
the
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a
show examples
occupation who works
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
10 hours a day.
However
, it is not enough because it takes many
knowledges
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knowledge
show examples
to be a doctor. For
this
reasons
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reason
show examples
, making some people think it is unfair
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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to the
sportsman
's salary. In conclusion,
sportsman
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
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the
Correct article usage
a
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high amount of cash
due to
their
hardworks
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hard work
and low
oppurturnity
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opportunity
to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
. Anywise,
i
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I
show examples
believe that every
occupations
Change to a singular noun
occupation
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
its own
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
to make the world better.
Submitted by pondzaxdxd55xdxd1 on

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Grammar
Try to improve spelling and grammar accuracy to enhance clarity.
Content Development
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and analysis.
Structure
Consider balancing the length of each paragraph to improve coherence.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.
Task Response
You have addressed both views on the topic, which fulfils the task requirements effectively.
Content
Your use of examples, such as mentioning Michael Jordan and Olympic games, helps to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commercial value
  • entertainment aspect
  • revenue
  • advertising
  • merchandising
  • broadcasting rights
  • exceptional talent
  • span of their careers
  • crucial
  • well-being
  • development of society
  • pay disparity
  • societal values
  • financial recognition
  • essential services
  • balanced approach
  • invaluable contributions
  • equitable society
  • distribution of wealth
  • intrinsic value
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