Virtual reality should be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present age, whether virtual
reality
provides more benefits than regular ways of mental health treatment
such
as psychological and music therapies has sparked much debate. Some people assert that new tools need to be used in order to help people with
such
problems
,
whereas
many others argue that virtual
reality
will only worsen the situation. Personally, I agree partly with the statement. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that virtual
reality
has a variety of benefits.
Firstly
, it can make one forget something bad that has happened to them for at least a short period of time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
being away from the real world.
Secondly
, knowing that you can get into another
reality
can make someone feel excited about it and forget other
problems
that might occur in their daily lives.
In contrast
, some others may claim that there are more negatives than positives. Trying to run away from your
problems
by getting into another
reality
might sound like a terrible choice of therapy. More specifically, when someone
will get
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
back from virtual
reality
, they will start to remember their
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
problems
or will not be able to separate
reality
from illusion, which could lead to more mental health
problems
. Having considered both views, I think that right now virtual
reality
should not be used as a tool for big problem treatments because it still has a lot of areas it could develop.
However
, I believe that in the near
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
it will definitely become a form of healing process for many.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance your argument and provide a clearer picture of your position on the topic.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully fleshed out. While the main ideas are clear, expanding them with more depth would strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent stance throughout your essay. Clarifying your position in the introduction and conclusion can enhance clarity and consistency.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow the argument easily.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view and enhances the depth of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive environments
  • anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • phobia
  • exposure therapy
  • controlled setting
  • desensitization
  • social anxiety
  • stress reduction
  • real-time monitoring
  • therapeutic interventions
  • mental health treatments
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • innovative solutions
  • face-to-face interactions
  • traditional therapeutic settings
  • gradual confrontation
  • calming environments
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!