IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether young
people
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 are suitable for significant
positions
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 in
government
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.
While
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 some believe that older
individuals
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 are more equipped for these
roles
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, others argue that young
people
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 bring unique benefits. In my opinion, it is a positive step to recruit younger generations to work in
government
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positions
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.
To begin
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 with, those who oppose young
people
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 in
government
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roles
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 often believe that older generations have the experience and skills to handle problems more effectively. It is widely acknowledged that older
individuals
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 have encountered more situations over the years, giving them a wealth of knowledge for addressing urgent issues.
Additionally
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, when facing a high volume of tasks, older workers can apply mature, proven methods.
Moreover
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, the expertise and experience that older
people
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 possess can be passed down to younger colleagues, creating a more robust and knowledgeable workplace.
On the other hand
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, supporters of young
people
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 in important
government
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positions
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 argue that younger generations can bring fresh perspectives and creativity to the table, offering solutions that may be vastly different from traditional approaches. Young
people
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 can
also
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 often work faster, which can help accelerate the pace of
government
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 work.
Lastly
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, the energy and passion they bring to their
roles
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 can drive productivity, potentially outweighing the benefits of the experience that older
individuals
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 provide. In my view, young
people
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 have the potential to make a significant impact by contributing to education, particularly in elementary and junior high schools, where they can help shape the next generation in a more innovative way. By focusing on
such
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roles
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, the advantages of involving young
people
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 in
government
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positions
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 could greatly outweigh any potential drawbacks. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 may hesitate to allow young
individuals
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 to take on important
government
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positions
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, I believe that doing so can enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of
government
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 operations, ultimately benefiting society.

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
logical structure
Ensure even clearer linkages between paragraphs to improve logical flow.
complete response
You clearly address both sides of the argument and provide your own opinion, demonstrating a complete response to the task.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the arguments discussed.
clear comprehensive ideas
You present clear and comprehensive ideas with a good balance of different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Experience and wisdom
  • Fresh perspective
  • Innovative ideas
  • Contemporary issues
  • Energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Emerging trends
  • Enthusiasm
  • Stability
  • Maintaining the status quo
  • Maturity and responsibility
  • Risk-taking
  • Far-reaching consequences
  • In touch with
  • Representative governance
  • Historical examples
  • Proven track record
  • Changing dynamics
  • Fresh leadership
  • Modern issues
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