Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #that’s

In the contemporary era of globalization, technological advancements have undergone a substantial transformation. A wider range of individuals believe that mobile phone hazards outweigh the merits.

Thus

, it should be regulated and limited. I wholeheartedly agree with

this

statement.

To begin

with, phones can disrupt students from their studies. They do not focus on their lessons.

Moreover

, they want to play, socialise, and chat with these devices. These matters can reflect on their grades.

Furthermore

, phone calls have a significant impact on

people

's lives. A diverse array of individuals make their calls

while

driving.

This

habit caused a lot of incidents.

According to

a survey conducted by Manchester University, seventy per cent of car accidents happened because of calls

while

driving cars.

This

is a phenomenal issue and proliferated globally.

However

this

technology has assisted

people

in many facets.

Firstly

, folks can communicate with everyone in an effortless way.

Secondly

, if we stuttered in anything, we can search for it swiftly. Despite understanding

this

point of view, I cannot agree with it. Phones have a significant effect on our health. If we use it for long periods, it will affect us mentally, our eyes will be strained, and harm our relations. In his book, " Phone and Eye", professor Steven Mark said that every eight hours spent on phones, tablets, and laptops, decreases seeing ability. Over time these

people

will wear glasses in order to preserve their eyes. In conclusion, from what has been aforementioned above,

people

should mitigate the usage of mobiles. The government should enforce penalties and regulations to alleviate

this

phenomenon. Programs can help to elevate

people

's awareness.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Mon Oct 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve the logical flow of your essay, try to use more linking words and phrases that guide the reader through your argument smoothly, such as 'moreover,' 'on the other hand,' 'however,' and 'in contrast.'

Task Achievement

While your main points are clear, enhance them by providing more robust supporting evidence and examples. Think of adding statistics or hypothetical scenarios to strengthen your argument further.

Task Achievement

Try to maintain a clear and consistent stance throughout the essay. Ensure that your positions and arguments are not only stated but also fully explained and justified.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.

Task Achievement

The argument about mobile phones disrupting students and impacting car accidents is relevant and effectively explained.

Task Achievement

Your use of specific data, such as the survey conducted by Manchester University, adds credibility to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

ubiquitous
technological advancements
instantaneous communication
restrict
mitigate
nomophobia
digital literacy
etiquette
cybersecurity
overdependence
health implications
productivity
distraction
information overload
social isolation

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people argue that children should be taught to obey the rules to make them more disciplined for doing what their parents and teachers tell them to do, while others are against it due to the reason that it only makes children to be not well-prepared to deal the upcoming life challenges. I prefer to support with a balanced perspective which children are being controlled by their parents and teacher and I believe it makes children used to obey the rules later in society.
5.5
band
⁷Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
Nobody can deny that there are certain professionals like nurses, doctors and teachers who are essential to the fabric of society, and who should therefore be rewarded accordingly. However, this is seldom the case. When we look at the salaries and fees commanded by certain film stars and actresses and people who run large companies, this does not seem fair
7
band
Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?
In today’s modern world, people can get news instantly online instead of watching TV or reading newspapers. This habit is good for saving time and flexibility in bringing new information. On the other hand, not all news on the internet is credible, like the one shown on TV and in newspapers.
4.5
band
Smokers have rights too, so they should be allowed to smoke in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argues that cigarette smokers has justice to smoking in public spots such as in gardens, parks, restsurants, and hospital. I totally disagree with this idea because it increases the harmful effects of passive somking and also make environment smelly.
5
band
It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples. Write at least 250 words.
In our world people divided into well-off classes and poor people. Wealthy individuals are usually tend to be well-being rather than humans with lower income. I strongly agree with this notion that rich society can easier allow themselves to maintain great health.

Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

Smokers have rights too, so they should be allowed to smoke in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples. Write at least 250 words.