Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the contemporary era of globalization, technological advancements have undergone a substantial transformation. A wider range of individuals believe that mobile phone hazards outweigh the merits.

Thus

, it should be regulated and limited. I wholeheartedly agree with

this

statement.

To begin

with, phones can disrupt students from their studies. They do not focus on their lessons.

Moreover

, they want to play, socialise, and chat with these devices. These matters can reflect on their grades.

Furthermore

, phone calls have a significant impact on

people

's lives. A diverse array of individuals make their calls

while

driving.

This

habit caused a lot of incidents.

According to

a survey conducted by Manchester University, seventy per cent of car accidents happened because of calls

while

driving cars.

This

is a phenomenal issue and proliferated globally.

However

this

technology has assisted

people

in many facets.

Firstly

, folks can communicate with everyone in an effortless way.

Secondly

, if we stuttered in anything, we can search for it swiftly. Despite understanding

this

point of view, I cannot agree with it. Phones have a significant effect on our health. If we use it for long periods, it will affect us mentally, our eyes will be strained, and harm our relations. In his book, " Phone and Eye", professor Steven Mark said that every eight hours spent on phones, tablets, and laptops, decreases seeing ability. Over time these

people

will wear glasses in order to preserve their eyes. In conclusion, from what has been aforementioned above,

people

should mitigate the usage of mobiles. The government should enforce penalties and regulations to alleviate

this

phenomenon. Programs can help to elevate

people

's awareness.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Mon Oct 21 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve the logical flow of your essay, try to use more linking words and phrases that guide the reader through your argument smoothly, such as 'moreover,' 'on the other hand,' 'however,' and 'in contrast.'

Task Achievement

While your main points are clear, enhance them by providing more robust supporting evidence and examples. Think of adding statistics or hypothetical scenarios to strengthen your argument further.

Task Achievement

Try to maintain a clear and consistent stance throughout the essay. Ensure that your positions and arguments are not only stated but also fully explained and justified.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.

Task Achievement

The argument about mobile phones disrupting students and impacting car accidents is relevant and effectively explained.

Task Achievement

Your use of specific data, such as the survey conducted by Manchester University, adds credibility to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ubiquitous
technological advancements
instantaneous communication
restrict
mitigate
nomophobia
digital literacy
etiquette
cybersecurity
overdependence
health implications
productivity
distraction
information overload
social isolation

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Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Vehicles using alternative fuel have been available since the past few years, yet they are not common on the roads. What are the reasons for this? How can people be encouraged to use these vehicles?

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise. Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Every country should have a free health service; even if that means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?