IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children in schools should learn how advertisements motivate us to buy things. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

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Nowadays, There are too many people who have argued that students in schools should be educated on how advertisements inspire the majority to buy kinds of stuff. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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 statement and I will provide many examples in order to support
this
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 subject. Convincing arguments can be made that advertising has played an essential part in our lives. The fundamental reason for
that is
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 Companies and businessmen have been selecting advertisements as a prominent strategy to attract the majority to buy their products.
For instance
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, Pepsi is considered the most famous soft drink in the world.
Due to
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 the significant amount of posting and advertising related to
this
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 soft drink on social media and wallpapers in the streets.
Furthermore
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, The improvement of technology has found a critical method to attract more people and realise their needs.
For example
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, Siri in iPhone software copies words from individuals
while
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 they are talking,
as a result
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, Siri posts everything related to that subject.
secondly
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, these examples show that advertisement has an enormous effect, but it might have some distractions and disadvantages. Some TV companies are using fake information and posts to attack the administration and provide people with wrong ideas.
However
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, every role has an exception and appearances can be deceiving. In conclusion, teaching children how to advertise is a perfect way and provide more paths related to business and jobs.
Also
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, It will improve students' comprehension skills.
therefore
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,
this
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 subject would certainly be fostered so dramatically. From my
Correct your spelling
perspective
prespective
Add a comma
prespective,
show examples
 I believe that schools must present multiple kinds of
ads
Change the noun form
ad
show examples
 materials for students in the future.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly and fully addresses the prompt. Clearly state your opinion and provide specific, detailed examples that are directly related to the topic. Avoid broad statements and ensure each paragraph reinforces your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by logically organizing your essay. Begin with an introduction that clearly states your opinion, followed by body paragraphs each focused on a single main idea, and conclude with a summary that reinforces your viewpoint. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To bolster cohesion within your essay, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Avoid repetition and ensure each sentence flows smoothly to the next. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
For a higher level of task achievement, make sure all examples are directly relevant to the topic and clearly support your argument. Avoid generic examples and strive for specificity, as this will lend more credibility and depth to your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasion
  • consumerism
  • brand awareness
  • manipulative techniques
  • subliminal messaging
  • materialism
  • impulse buying
  • psychological triggers
  • advertisement deconstruction
  • media savvy
  • ethical advertising
  • targeted advertising
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