IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the environment as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

#people #meat #fish #health #environment
In
this
 contemporary era, A wide sector of individuals opt not to consume
meat
 from wild or sea creatures. They are convinced that
this
 has a beneficial effect on their health and the environment. I totally disagree with
this
 argument. In
this
 essay, both contexts will be elucidated. On the one hand, Excessive consumption of
meat
 has a significant impact on our health. It can cause a lot of diseases.
This
 disease can not be treated in many areas. Some
animals
 can suffer from unknown issues.
This
 can be a source of infection and ruin a lot of lives.
Moreover
,
Animals
 have the right to live. These living creatures are involved in a food chain.
This
 chain if it is affected can demolish the environment. In his book, "Wildefiers", Professor Jones Mark highlighted that the prime reason for wildfires is humans. He hunts
animals
, these
animals
' main source of food is grasses. When these landscapes are not used, their size will increase and cause fires,
as a result
 of global warming.
On the other hand
, protein and vitamins can only be obtained from these
animals
. The omega vitamin comes from sea creatures.
This
 vitamin helps our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
, especially Alzheimer's patients.
Additionally
, eating
meat
 can balance the food chain. It will help the environment to secure its productivity and stability.
According to
 a study conducted by Manchester University, the consumption of
meat
 made the plants in forests and wild regions .
This
 was reflected in the ozone layers and mitigated the greenhouse emissions. If we continue at
this
 rate, the global warming phenomenon can be controlled. In conclusion, there will be a debate in
this
 context.
However
, we should be aware of its consequences. The governments should unite together to mitigate the hazards.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the organization of the essay to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Clarify your stance and ensure it's consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points clearly. This will make your argumentation stronger and more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the position and outlines the approach of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers a closing thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Plant-based diet
  • Sustainable living
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Carbon footprint
  • Deforestation
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Antioxidants
  • Livestock farming
  • Biodiversity
  • Ethical stance
  • Animal cruelty
  • Cultural shifts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: