IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
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researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 confirmed that the
teenagers
Replace the word
teenage
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 percentages are significantly increasing;
thus
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
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 the
mean time
Correct your spelling
meantime
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, the number of young adults in some nations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much more than
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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grownups
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of grownups
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate more
both
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on both
show examples
 the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 proposal. In regards to the disadvantages, the main drawback is that we will be missing most of the handwork jobs;
for example
Linking Words
, the farmers, the builders and even the chefs, everything now is being computerized with a lot of technology involved since the new generation is not that much into handwork jobs. We will
also
Linking Words
 lose a big part of someone recalling our history, sustaining morals and ethics, as they
say
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say,
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grand parents
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grandparents
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 are the best role models for the grandchildren.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we are living in a very fast-paced world, so having younger generations will result in a significant advantage
coping
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in coping
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 with the latest trends, technologies &
AI’s
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AI
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.
For example
Linking Words
, young adults are very open-minded and can
pickup
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pick up
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 stuff very quickly which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 them a plus
dealing
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in dealing
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new electronics,
such
Linking Words
 as
:
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apply
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iPhone
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iPhones
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, tablets,
PC’S
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PCs
 etc
..
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.
...
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Finally
Linking Words
, having more young adults does have some drawbacks, but with
this
Linking Words
 roller coaster
life
Add a comma
life,
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 we are living we find out , that teenagers are the ones dealing well with all the surroundings rather
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 the old generations.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Try to develop your points more fully; each point should be well-explained and supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear conclusion summarizing the points and providing a final opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next with linking words or phrases.
task achievement
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for this type of question.
task achievement
The writer attempts to explain the main points clearly, using straightforward examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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