IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers' money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #taxpayers #money #healthcare #areas #points
People
 currently are appealing to the governments that the proportion of
healthcare
 expenses should be increased. In my view,
this
 proposal is plausible and deserves more practical support as the fitness of citizens is a cornerstone of nations. The importance of public health for a country has been repeatedly demonstrated by history, and it has recently been tested again by the outbreak of COVID-19. During the serious pandemic, compared to the
countries
 that had highly emphasised the development of the domestic medical systems, the economy-centred
countries
such
 as China, Sri Lanka suffered significant losses, since they had not invested enough finance into constructing hospitals or community clinics and thereby unable to accommodate large amounts of patients.
As a result
, the WTO estimated that these developing
countries
 might have lost over fifty thousand
people
due to
 the shortage of medical resources. In light of
this
, it is undoubtedly a wise decision to raise the percentage of medical expenses.
However
,
this
 does not mean the opponents of the proposal are totally unreasonable,
instead
, they
also
 touch something at stake. For
people
 who are still in blossom, paying more for the
healthcare
 system cannot bring them the same immediate benefits as investing in education that could offer their children higher quality schools, or in the maintenance of interstate highways which improve the driving experience.
Therefore
, many youngsters or middle-aged
people
 would suspect the necessity of
further
 investing in
healthcare
. One relevant example is my friend Jim, whose family members are all healthy, and his primary concern is whether the government will set up more universities so that his daughter does not face as much competition as she does now. In summary,
although
 I sympathise with the standpoint of
people
 like Jim who needs other supports other than
healthcare
, I still firmly believe that since the fitness of citizens is radically for the
countries
 as the pandemic has indicated, the governments should invest more in the construction of the medical system, which will definitely benefit the whole community in the long-term.
Submitted by hx88375757 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, provide statistics or case studies related to healthcare investment benefits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, possibly by using more linking words or phrases. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion with a clear statement of your viewpoint.
complete response
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial for achieving a high task achievement score.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion clearly summarizes your opinion and reinforces the main points of the essay.
supported main points
Good use of historical and recent examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, to support your main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • taxpayer money
  • fundamental human right
  • access to medical care
  • productive society
  • disease spread
  • quality of life
  • economic productivity
  • well-rounded development
  • holistic societal advancement
  • innovation and skilled workforce
  • private investment
  • insurance schemes
  • comprehensive development
  • societal welfare
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