IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level? What could individuals do to help?

#traffic #roads #country #world #amount #society #level #individuals
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Traffic
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congestion
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 has become a significant obstacle all over the world.
However
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, several efforts can be implemented to tackle
this
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 issue at a societal level, and
people
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 can conduct a variety of initiatives to support
such
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 efforts.
This
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 essay will examine the practical solutions to overcome
traffic
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congestion
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. To commence, a myriad of actions can be carried out to cope with
traffic
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congestion
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 at a societal level.
Firstly
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, the
government
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 can promulgate a policy that prohibits private vehicle usage during certain times, preventing the excessive use of conventional vehicles.
For instance
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, the
government
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 can introduce a car-free day program during the weekends and encourage its residents to utilize the public transit system.
Additionally
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, the
government
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 can
also
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 raise dramatically the price of fuel for private vehicles.
Therefore
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, individuals will prefer to adopt alternative modes of
transportation
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, namely trains or buses as their main
transportation
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 for commuting daily.
In addition
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, there are a plethora of ways that
people
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 can do in order to strengthen
traffic
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 prevention. One instrumental action for individuals is to opt for public
transportation
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instead
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 of personal automobiles, as an enormous number of private vehicles on the street are the primary problem which causes
traffic
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.
Therefore
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, there will be fewer cars and motorcycles on the street, reducing the level of
traffic
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congestion
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.
Moreover
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, another paramount action is to launch a campaign that enhances
people
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’s awareness of the negative impact of
traffic
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, as
traffic
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 has substantial drawbacks on individuals’ psychology, including stress or fatigue.
Consequently
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, as
people
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 acknowledge the threat that
traffic
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 has on
people
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’s psychology, they will be wiser in using their personal conveyances. To encapsulate, in order to mitigate high levels of
traffic
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, the
government
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 can enact a policy that restricts private vehicle usage and increases the price of private vehicle fuel,
along with
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 individual measures,
such
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 as choosing public
transportation
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 and promoting a campaign regarding the negative impact of
traffic
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. Through these efforts, I believe
people
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 can pave the way for less
traffic
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 in the world.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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supported main points
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the support for your main ideas could be enhanced with more detailed examples. Consider providing specific examples or case studies on how public transport has reduced traffic in other cities or countries.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, try to expand a bit more on each point. For example, delve deeper into how raising fuel prices affects various socioeconomic groups and suggest ways to mitigate any negative effects.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a well-structured introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for the reader to understand what will be discussed and summarizing the propositions effectively.
logical structure
Logical structure is strong, with clear paragraphing and progression of ideas. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both what society and individuals can do to reduce traffic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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