More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Undoubtedly, most of the
kids
are suffering from obesity nowadays.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
kids
are starting to become obese
due to
living in affluent
cities
, there is
also
an argument that
that is
going to create an issue for prosperous towns. My essay will analyse the topic from both causes and effects. On the one hand, young individuals are becoming overweight via the nutrients available in their city.
Moreover
, many fast-food restaurants are trying to open in affluent towns because of the financial gain they can achieve there.
Therefore
,
kids
from these sorts of countries have a lot of options to make in their nutrient resources.
For instance
, a study from Harvard University demonstrated that 88% of teenagers, including young
kids
from wealthy
cities
, tend to prefer unhealthy food like McDonald's.
Subsequently
, they gain extra weight and get fat.
On the other hand
, the nations will have various issues with overweight
kids
.
In addition
, the obesity ratio will increase in the youth population,
as well as
wealthy countries can not benefit from them because of their weight.
Furthermore
, when
kids
grow to become men or women, their job chances will be reduced
due to
being overweight.
For example
, wealthy countries will need soldiers in the future, so if most of the young population is fat,
then
the military jobs can not hire them
as a result
of their size. In conclusion,
while
there is no definitive answer to that issue, I believe that fat young people are getting obese because of the financial stabilise
cities
, which contain many unhealthy foods. In terms of the various problems that
cities
will encounter, they will gain fat people as soon as these
kids
grow up.
Submitted by ferasmirza11 on

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task achievement
Aim to offer a more diverse vocabulary to enhance the richness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety to create a more engaging text.
task achievement
Be consistent with plural and singular forms to avoid confusion and redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting point and resolution.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples, such as the study from Harvard University, which help ground your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized in a way that logically presents your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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