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Writing Samples
Band 7

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. Discuss both sides.

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Nowadays, when
students
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 finish their schooling in primary and secondary school, they may go on to their tertiary studies or other roads. All parents want to give the best for their
children
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. Some adults think acquiring a skill is better for
children
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's future.
However
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, others feel
students
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 need to learn about various subjects which are beneficial for them. Some parents indicate not every child is interested in studies and
also
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 it is demanding to obtain a wide range of knowledge of subjects. It not only takes much time but
also
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 reduces learning efficiency.
Moreover
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, if people absorb too much different information, they may not concentrate on one thing. Regarding techniques, learners can attain enough practical skills and
also
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 they are relative to some industries, and things
students
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 have absorbed can be applied to professions in no time. As far as I am concerned, I suggest it is great that school teaches
children
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 a skill to help they can be independent in society.
However
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, if they would like to go
further
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 up and achieve greater attainment, they must study various kinds of information in different fields or professional theories.
On the other hand
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, some adults prefer a variety of studies.
Therefore
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, they support
children
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 to obtain higher degrees of diploma. After all, when we apply for an occupation, many organizations will consider sundry qualifications, including the diploma. In my opinion, studying
further
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 can bring opportunities to learners and they usually have more time to explore their interests and desires, but it costs a fortune. Apart from that, learners might not know how to employ what they have learned in pragmatic work. In a nutshell, as they say, "Every rose has its thorns", and so does every choice. Whether gaining a skill or studying a number of subjects, they have advantages and disadvantages.
Students
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 should opt for one selection which is relevant to them
according to
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 their conditions and competence.

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Improvement
To improve task achievement, try to include more specific examples or concrete evidence to support the points you are making. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Improvement
Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next, using clear linking words or phrases to connect ideas. This can help improve coherence and cohesion.
Strength
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic and considering the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Strength
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, effectively framing the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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