Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
These days, we can see most developed countries, which are wealthy, have the main problem which is obesity
young
generations. Correct word choice
younger
This
essay discusses the main reasons for this
happening ,
and its impacts.
The overweight is the most common issue among Remove the comma
apply
children
owing to the fact that they do not have a healthy diet; moreover
, they do not exercise. On the one hand, Today, the population who live in developed countries do not have a lot of time for cooking for their children
, so the youth use convenient food, which has a lot of oil and unhealthy items; additionally
, the young people do not like to eat fruits and vegetables, which have a range of vitamins. On the other hand
, children
who live in developed countries have access to the newest technology, relating to entertainment; as a result
, they spend all their free time on video games, watching movies and so on instead
of doing exercise.
Unfortunately, obese children
have negative effects on not only the health
system
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the economy. On the one side, overweight young people have a range of various illnesses such
as heart attack, high blood pressure, and so forth; then
the health
system
has to invest a number of energy and money into the treatment of these inhabitants; furthermore
, it yields in the health
care system
will reduce over the period of times. On the other side, these young people won't be able to work very well in the future inasmuch as they have different ills, and obesity will be the big matter that they won't do work that needs power and speed after that, the industries, having a majority influence on the economy,won't have efficiency the same as the prior time.
To sum up
, in my opinion, fat children
are a result of the developed country because they do not have a good diet and they have a majority of extraordinary technology. In addition
, they impact the both health
system
and the economy in future.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or experiences to illustrate your points, which can help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your use of connecting words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and effects of childhood obesity in developed countries, meeting the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and what the essay will discuss, and there is a conclusion that summarizes the main points presented.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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