Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Making
career
decisions is crucial for young people
. While
some individuals choose their professions based on their personal preferences and interests, others believe their career
choices should be grounded by reality and visions for the future. I personally believe,
personal preference is the fundamental indicator for young Remove the comma
apply
people
when choosing their occupation.
On the one hand, choosing a widely accepted promising career
can provide financial security for young people
in the initial phase of Correct pronoun usage
their career
career
. Take software engineers Fix the agreement mistake
careers
for example
, new graduates are more likely to have a better-paid job than those who work in traditional manufacturing departments, which means they can pay off their tuition debt earlier and become financially independent. However
, a currently promising industry may not always be a high-ticket field for next
few decades. Correct article usage
the next
Due to
the rapid change in technology, such
as AI, it hard
to predict the future of an industry.
Add a missing verb
is hard
On the other hand
, picking up a career
out interest
leads to Change preposition
of interest
higher
level of motivation and devotion which can be a benefactor in the long run. The life trajectories of numerous Nobel Prize winners have demonstrated how intrinsic motivation can support Add an article
a higher
career
success, especially when encountered
Wrong verb form
encountering
with
setbacks. Without the extreme curiosity of the truth, they would not keep working on the same problem after hundreds of failures.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
while
choosing a promising career
based on extrinsic factors will benefit young people
financially during the first few years, intrinsic motivation is the essential factor to consider for young people
to choose their occupation for long-term benefits.Submitted by 1659583471 on
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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on each viewpoint with additional supporting details. This will make the response even more comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words more consistently to enhance the flow of ideas. This will help to connect your points more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully setting up the discussion and bringing the arguments to a close.
Task Achievement
Relevance of examples is strong, such as comparing software engineering to traditional fields, which supports the argument effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates well-structured paragraphs and clear points regarding both sides of the debate.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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