IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people want to buy famous bands with clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #bands #clothes #cars #items #development
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Nowadays there is an increasing trend
around
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to buy luxurious
clothings
Replace the word
clothes
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, bags and other things. Surely,
this
Linking Words
 tendency has both advantages and disadvantages,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 I firmly believe that purchasing items from luxury brands is not considered as a positive development. First of all, it is a known fact that human beings like to show off every detail of their lives. The culture of buying new expensive items became
exteremely
Correct your spelling
extremely
 famous in
21st
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the 21st
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 century, and
people
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 started to gain
my
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apply
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knowledge about luxurious life.
Additionally
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, I strongly believe that the essential reason for
this
Linking Words
 notion is the extensive
use
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 of social media. As
people
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 decided to become more active
in
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on
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 social platforms, they started to
use
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 luxury brands, bags and telephones to increase their popularity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 culture is not a great development for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, as it undermines the
people
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 who cannot afford any luxurious brands, and those individuals feel left out. Psychologically, every man or woman would feel envious or even jealous of
people
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 who
use
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 expensive stuff around them.
Moreover
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, back
then
Linking Words
 population did not care whether the clothing they wear is cheap or not,
however
Linking Words
 now it has changed drastically. In conclusion, the extensive
use
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 of social media platforms has made an impact on how
people
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 feel about luxurious items. And
the
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apply
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society feels pressured and undermined by
people
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
 expensive things around them,
thus
Linking Words
 it is a negative development for
the
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apply
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society as well.
Submitted by lalecelilbeyli2002 on

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relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific platforms or trends that illustrate people's desire to purchase branded items due to social media influence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear, but try to expand on them slightly to ensure comprehensive coverage of both arguments for and against the trend.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the central discussion.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout, with main ideas well supported, though examples could be stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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