IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent technological developments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that whether in which century
technology
Use synonyms
 is vital to mankind development.From my perspective,I partly agree with the view
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 earlier technological developments can
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 more advantages to
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 than nowadays technological development. On the one hand,in the earlier
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 to some extent
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big progress in mankind's progress.
Firstly
Linking Words
,we have
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in that period,which can allow us
communicated
Change the verb form
to communicate
show examples
 without the distance difficult.Especially in
commercial
Add an article
a commercial
the commercial
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 many companies
broard
Correct your spelling
broad
 their
outsea
Correct your spelling
outset
 business.
Secondly
Linking Words
,the mobile phone was invented by the scientist.
This
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a big influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
,they can communicate with their friends and relatives
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 and if they have something emergency
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can quickly call the
people
Use synonyms
 they want.
Finally
Linking Words
,these
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
products
Use synonyms
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 at that time can see the outside world and know more
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 from other areas. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,we need to acknowledge that today's society is around by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 can not leave
technology
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
.Online payment is one of the wonderful
inventation
Correct your spelling
invention
inventions
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
,we can go outside without
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 any cash,but only a mobile phone.If you want to
but
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 something just show your payment QR cord.It is really convenient for
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 daily life shopping
also
Linking Words
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 can reduce the rate of crime because the
theft
Correct your spelling
thief
show examples
 can not find any money in
people
Use synonyms
's
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,we have
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
 shopping
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
taobao
Change the capitalization
Taobao
show examples
 and
jingdong
Change the capitalization
Jingdong
show examples
 which means
people
Use synonyms
no
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 need to go out and just use
these app
Change the determiner
this app
these apps
show examples
 can buy everything they want.They can not only
compares
Change the verb form
compare
show examples
 the prices,but
also
Linking Words
 can have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 online chat with the store boss to know the details of the
products
Use synonyms
 they like.
Although
Linking Words
 different times have different
technology
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
,all of them can make
people
Use synonyms
 accept more pieces of information and give a more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 society environment.We need to keep improving our
technology
Use synonyms
 ability and try to make a high-quality life for
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, try to address the topic question more directly in your introduction. Explicitly state your level of agreement or disagreement with the statement and outline your main points clearly.
coherence
Enhance coherence by organizing your ideas logically. Each paragraph should cover one main idea and should be clearly connected to the essay topic.
coherence
Your essay will benefit from more varied transition phrases to link ideas and sentences, which will improve cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
You provide examples of technological developments from both earlier and more recent times, showing a balanced view.
coherence
You attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which adds a sense of balance to your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: