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Band 6

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people.

#people #money #government #debt #support
Money
 is one of the most important things for humans to live, but many people can not manage their
money
 well, and end up in debt. In my opinion, these can affect the country’s economy and increase the number of people in poverty, so it is important for the
government
 to support them and prevent
debts
. It seems that individuals will not have
debts
 if they can manage their
money
 well, but how will they do that if there is no financial education
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 The
government
 must provide a lesson about finance to schools or give socialization about it outside school. Of course, it will take up time and not many of them will be interested, but if the lessons are provided in an interesting way, and the time management is great, it would not be a problem. The poor lack the capacity to pay
debts
 as the
money
 that they get is usually enough just to make ends meet. Because of
this
, some of them choose to borrow it from a bank as a way out if they are in need of cash, which cannot be paid in the end.
This
 would not happen if banks and shops did not lend it to those in poverty who could not pay the
cash back
Correct your spelling
cashback
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.
This
 might cause hardship for them if they really need
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for food or health, but it will not be a problem if the
government
 pays more attention to them. The
government
 can
also
 create some advisory centres for the community to get free advice about finance, so they will know what they should do and prevent debt. It will
also
 help them with financial problems before it becomes more serious. The only problem is it is expensive to run, but if it can reduce debt numbers, it will be worth it. The solution is that the
government
 needs to give subsidies to
such
 organizations. In conclusion, these solutions can help, but the first and most important thing to do is that society must get an education so that they can manage their finances well so they will not have
debts
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to include some specific examples, such as government programs in other countries that have been successful in managing debt or financial education initiatives.
coherence cohesion
Some of your main points could be more clearly connected to each other. For example, further develop how financial education and advisory centers complement each other.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the issue and establishes the importance of government support in financial management.
task achievement
The essay provides a range of suggestions for government action, including financial education, regulation of lending to the poor, and advisory centers.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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