Some say that watching television among children has detrimental effects on their growth while Othes say otherwise. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views?
Watching
television
has become a hobby for today's generation which is thought harmful to children
's development and some people believe it is beneficial for them. I discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs and agree with the former view.
Firstly
, people who argue that television
is beneficial for children
are considering that international programs encourage kids to work hard and grow worldwide because celebrities are cast by some channels that influence the young generation to show their talents through media and become successful in life. To cite an example, in India, there are many shows which are seen by kids and they work hard to reach those stages and participate in them, consequently
, they get selected and become popular Worldwide.
Secondly
, spending excessive amounts of time
watching television
not only stops children
's cognitive growth but also
wastes their time
in
Change preposition
apply
which
they should be playing outdoor activities Correct word choice
when
as well as
socializing. For example
, an International survey has been conducted that 80% of children
invest their time
watching television
instead
of going outside to play with others, therefore
, they face some health obstacles such
as obesity as they do not do physical activity. As a result
, they become introverted. Also
,television
does not encourage deep thinking and concentration which is created by reading books and doing outdoor exercises.
In conclusion, children
can benefit from watching television
and become famous in their lives but investing a lot of time
in watching television
also
halts their cognitive function and creates various kinds of diseases.Submitted by maninderdeep on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure your argument is evenly balanced between the discussed views before stating your stance. This will make your position more nuanced and well-supported.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific, detailed examples. While you've provided a general example, adding more particular instances could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the variety and complexity of your sentences to make your essay more engaging. Using a range of sentence structures can help maintain the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Connect your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Transition words or phrases can help to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction, effectively setting up the discussion that follows.
coherence cohesion
You successfully conclude your essay, summarizing your views and reinforcing your stance to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported and contribute to the argument you're making, showing that you have thought about the different sides of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.