IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Junk
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food
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 negatively affects
people
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's health, and increasing the amount of
taxes
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 on all types of fast
food
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 will be the best
way
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 to overcome
this
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 problem.
Although
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 some amateurs might still purchase it despite the increased price, I firmly believe that most
people
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 will lead a healthier
lifestyle
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 if they are unable to afford it. Elevating
taxes
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 will be an effective option to lead
people
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 to a healthier
lifestyle
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.
People
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 would not be as addicted to
junk
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food
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 as they are today if it were not so affordable.
Due to
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 its affordability, many
people
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 consume it on a daily basis without limitations, which can be problematic, especially for those who are saving money for other purposes.
For instance
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, a large number of
people
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 will start to concentrate on their long-term intentions.
As a result
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, increasing
taxes
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 is the best
way
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 to help
people
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 focus on saving money and limiting their consumption.
On the other hand
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, extra payment for
junk
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food
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 will not affect
people
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 to limit their consumption of it.Most
people
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 find them as delicious
food
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 which leads to making them happy in spite of their costs.
For example
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,
people
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 who are deeply addicted to daily consumption of
junk
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food
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 will find it difficult to restrict themselves.
Additionally
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, elevating
taxes
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 may not be the most effective
way
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 to achieve positive outcomes and encourage a return to a healthy
lifestyle
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. In conclusion,
although
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 addicted individuals may continue to buy fast
food
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 despite the extra cost, I believe it is still the most effective
way
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 to encourage them to return to a healthier
lifestyle
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 and control their budget towards more beneficial items.

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to thoroughly illustrate each point. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument of the essay. This will help maintain a clear and logical structure throughout.
coherence cohesion
Make transitions between paragraphs smoother to improve the logical flow of ideas. Using transitional words and phrases can be helpful in achieving this.
both introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument, which shows depth of thought.
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