IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The advance in air travel are focused only in first-class and this seems to have left others with no benefits at all. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, flight companies have shifted a bit more focus towards the luxurious end of flying for consumers.
However
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, I disagree with the notion that these developments have left other
passengers
Use synonyms
 with no benefits at all.
While
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 it is true that premium
services
Use synonyms
 in first-class have significantly improved,
Use synonyms
economy class
Add a hyphen
economy-class
show examples
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 have
also
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 experienced positive changes.
Firstly
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, advancements in technology have made it possible for cheaper ticket prices. Newer aircraft are designed to be much more aerodynamically efficient now than before resulting in lower fuel consumption.
Additionally
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, better communication technology has led to all
passengers
Use synonyms
 on board having access to Wi-Fi and entertainment
services
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, seat designs, though more spacious in first class, have
also
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 improved in
economy
Use synonyms
, with features like ergonomic seating and increased legroom on some airlines. In terms of business economics, the volume of
economy
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 will always outweigh the premium
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
. Airline companies keeping
this
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 in mind, have designed
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 planes to have a bigger proportion of the plane in favour of budget consumers.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first-class
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 pay a substantial amount of money and should be rewarded
accordingly
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.
Also
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, the global
economy
Use synonyms
 is seeing inflation rising leading to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of goods and
services
Use synonyms
, which in turn increases the value of air tickets. In conclusion,
while
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 first-class
passengers
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 may enjoy more luxurious perks, the advancements in air travel have brought benefits to all
passengers
Use synonyms
 through more affordable fares, better technology, and improved
services
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the statement that others have been left without any advantages.

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task achievement
The essay effectively presents a clear position on the topic and fully addresses the task.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments, such as citing particular airlines or technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression in each paragraph to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical flow, use linking words or phrases more consistently throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to balance the essay by acknowledging the benefits to first-class passengers and comparing it with economy passengers.
task achievement
Multiple aspects of air travel improvement are covered, including technological advancements and economic factors, showcasing a wide view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • first-class cabin
  • economy class
  • luxury amenities
  • exclusive services
  • technological advancements
  • profit margins
  • customer experience
  • enhanced seating
  • gourmet dining
  • in-flight entertainment
  • economic implications
  • basic necessities
  • board process
  • seat space
  • wider accessibility
  • trickle down
  • secondary benefits
  • airline competition
  • minimal enhancements
  • elevate flight experience
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