Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Governments of many countries spend too much
money
on weapons
and military equipment
. Some people believe that it will be better for governments to invest money
to improve the quality
of life
of the citizens
. I personally believe that although
investing a lot of money
on
military Change preposition
in
equipment
and weapons
helps to protect a country
, improving the quality
of life
of the citizens
are
more important because it builds a healthy and productive Change the verb form
is
nation
.
If the government
spend a lot of money
to buy military equipment
and weapons
, it will protect the country
. Military weapons
and equipment
are very expensive, and therefore
, some governments spend half of their annual budget to purchase military equipment
. Military equipments are required during the war to save the country
. For example
, Bangladesh
Correct article usage
the Bangladesh
government
is very protective about
the Change preposition
of
country
, and it spends around 1 million US dollars every year to buy advanced military equipment
to keep the country
ready for war. However
, I personally believe that a country
does not need that expensive military equipment
unless it is attacked by the enemies.
However
, investing money
to improving the quality
of life
, builds a healthy and productive nation
. Improving lives
of the Correct article usage
the lives
citizens
requires a lot of money
in various sectors, such
as healthcare, education, employment, agriculture and so on. If the government
spends money
in those sectors, the general public will be benefitted. They will be provided with proper public facilities and improve their lives. As a result
, the nation
will be healthier, happier and productive
. Correct quantifier usage
more productive
For example
, the government
of India always prioritize the health of the public and it invests one half
of Add a hyphen
one-half
their
annual budget in the healthcare sector. Correct pronoun usage
its
Therefore
, people
of India are healthy. I believe that investing Correct article usage
the people
money
to improve the quality
of life
of its citizens
is more important.
In conclusion, I personally believe that the goverment
should spend Correct your spelling
government
money
to improve the quality
of life
of the public because it can build a happy and healthy nation
. Investing much on
military Change preposition
in
equipment
is not wise because a country
does not need them until it is attacked by the enemies.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task achievement
Consider further developing the argument for why military spending might be necessary in some situations, to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraph transitions are smoother to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides clear reasoning for prioritizing spending on citizens' quality of life over military investments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, which is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Examples are relevant and help illustrate the points made, such as the comparison between Bangladesh and India.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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