IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the internet has made people more isolated. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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This
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 is quite a controversial subject;
however
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, some
people
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 suggest that the digital era has made
people
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 more isolated. In my opinion, I don't agree with
this
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due to
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 the convenience and social networking of the
internet
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. The first main reason why I disagree with
this
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 subject is because of the development of the
Internet
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,
people
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 can search the
information
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 and contact each other more conveniently and easily. The
internet
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 provides plenty of
information
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 that
people
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 want to know and get.
For example
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, Google has tons of
information
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 that
people
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 search and utilize on a daily basis.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can access the
information
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 more easily. The second main reason is that the
Internet
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 can provide social networking infrastructure to
people
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. The
internet
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 provides a connection among individuals so that they can find their job on the
internet
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 and keep in touch with their friends and family who are long-distance as well.
For instance
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, there are a lot of social media that can connect individuals,
such
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 as Zoom, Line, Kakao, and Instagram. Even if they are abroad,
people
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 can message or even do a video call to their friends and family.
In addition
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,
people
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 can search and find their next or new job on the
Internet
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.
For example
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, there is a website that offers advertising and hiring systems like Linkedin. Not only the company can hire employees through that website, but
also
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 employees can advertise themselves and contact to company freely. In conclusion, I disagree with their statement because of the convenience and accessible quantities of the
Internet
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. These sort of examples proves that the
internet
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 has made
people
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 more socialized, not isolated.

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introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the position you will take without being overly vague or hesitating. Phrasing like "quite a controversial subject" could be avoided or made more specific.
examples
While the points made are very relevant, ensure that your examples are fully integrated and more closely tied to your argument to strengthen it.
conclusion
A more explicit restatement of the thesis in the conclusion would help reinforce your position.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the argument nicely.
examples
The examples you chose effectively illustrate the social aspects that the internet can facilitate.
structure
There is a logical structure to the essay, with clear main points followed by supporting details.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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