IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the internet has made people more isolated. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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This
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 is a quite controversial subject;
however
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, some
people
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 suggest that the digital era has made
people
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 more isolated. In my opinion, I don't agree with
this
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due to
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 the convenience and social networking of the
internet
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. The first main reason why I disagree with
this
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 subject is because of the development of the
Internet
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,
people
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 can search the
information
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 and contact each other more conveniently and easily. The
internet
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 provides plenty of
information
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 that
people
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 want to know and get.
For example
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, Google has tons of
information
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 that
people
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 search and utilize on a daily basis.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can access the
information
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 more easily. The second main reason is the
Internet
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 can provide social networking infrastructure to
people
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. The
internet
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 provides a connection among individuals so that they can find their job on the
internet
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 and keep in touch with their friends and family who are long-distance as well.
For instance
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, there are a lot of social media that can connect individuals,
such
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 as Zoom, Line, Kakao, and Instagram. Even if they are abroad,
people
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 can message or even do a video call to their friends and family.
In addition
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,
people
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 can search and find their next or new job on the
Internet
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.
For example
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, there is a website that offers advertising and hiring systems like Linkedin. Not only company can hire employees through that website, but
also
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 employees can advertise themselves and contact to company freely. In conclusion, I disagree with their statement because of the convenience and accessible quantities of the
Internet
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. These sort of examples proves that the
internet
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 has made
people
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 more socialized, not isolated.

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task achievement
Although your essay addresses the task effectively, consider further enriching your arguments with additional perspectives. This could help in providing a more rounded view of the topic.
task achievement
Try to ensure that each argument is followed by a varied example. This will make your essay more engaging and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Though the overall flow of the essay is logical, ensure that every supporting statement directly ties back to your main point. This can enhance clarity in communication.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, setting a clear direction for your essay.
supported main points
You provide specific examples, such as the use of Google, Zoom, and LinkedIn, to support your arguments, thereby enhancing the essay's practical relevance.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively reaffirms your initial stance, providing closure to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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