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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competetion at work, at school and in daily lide is a good thing. Othersbelieve that we should try to cooperate more rather than compete against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competetion #work #school #lide #othersbelieve
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your self
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yourself
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 can look different to each person. Other
people
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 may flourish better through competing and others may do better through cooperation. Competition in different aspects of our lives may be a good motivator as
this
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 may inspire us to hone our skills and knowledge to be on par or be better than our peers. Having incentives drives us to produce the best possible result in order to come out on top. Yet, It may
also
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 affect
people
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 negatively, as constant comparison may diminish our
self esteem
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.
Moreover
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, the constant pressure to be the best may result in
a
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apply
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burn out
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burnout
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. Cooperating with
people
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 on different challenges in life may be advantageous
especially
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, especially
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 in certain circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, if
your
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you
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 are struggling
in
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at
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 work, guidance from your co-workers may help you adjust positively and improve. But, constant reliance on other
people
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 may diminish your independence and lower your resilience. In my point of view, both methods have their pros and cons depending on
situations
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the situations
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 where they are used. I believe that one method is not better than the other, rather
that
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apply
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one is better used in certain circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, in sports, competing with other athletes for ranking pushes you to train more in order to be the best.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in aspects like parenthood, it is much better to cooperate than compete because you have to work with your partner in order to raise your children or manage your finances. Choosing what method in which to improve
your self
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yourself
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with
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apply
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depends on the situation.
Submitted by erickacasandra.abas on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Consider expanding on the introduction and conclusion to give a more comprehensive overview and wrap-up of the discussion.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the points more vividly, helping the reader to better understand the context.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay shows a generally clear progression of ideas, enhancing linkage between some paragraphs with transitional devices would improve clarity.
Task Response
The essay successfully presents both views about the role of competition and cooperation, fulfilling the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow, clearly distinguishing between different perspectives and offering a balanced view.
Task Response
The writer presents a personal opinion effectively and argues for the situation-dependence of competition and cooperation, which is insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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