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Band 7

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people think
video
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games
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 are just fun or even useful for learning,
while
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 others believe they are harmful. I am going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion,
video
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games
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, when enjoyed in moderation and with proper guidance, can be a beneficial and fun part of life. On the one hand,
video
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games
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 can be good for harmless fun
,
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apply
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 or even as a useful educational tool. In the first place, they help players relax after school or work.
For example
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, many
games
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 develop useful skills,
such
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 as quick thinking, problem-solving, or teamwork skills. Another useful point is that educational
games
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 teach history, languages, or mathematics in an enjoyable way.
Therefore
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,
video
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games
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 can motivate learners to study more effectively compared to traditional methods.
Finally
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, playing
games
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 can
also
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 improve digital literacy, since players need to use technology confidently and adapt to new systems.
On the other hand
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,
video
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games
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 have an adverse effect on the people who play them. First of all, many young people get addicted and spend hours in front of the screen, which makes them forget their studies or work.
In addition
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,
this
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 habit is
also
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 bad for health because it leads to eye problems, lack of exercise, and sometimes obesity.
Moreover
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, violent
games
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 may influence children to become aggressive or less caring toward others. In conclusion,
video
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games
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 have both benefits and drawbacks. Personally, I think if played in moderation and with proper guidance, they can be a useful and enjoyable part of life.

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improvement
Your essay has a clear plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion. Keep this structure and add a bit more link to ideas.
improvement
Give more real life examples or facts to back your points.
strength
Clear view on the topic.
strength
Good use of simple linking words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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