IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Undoubtedly, saving
money
 could bring benefits for everyone, including teenagers and kids. At the same time, it is a commonly held belief that saving
money
 could change someone's future. There is
also
 an argument that opposes it. From my perspective, I tend to believe that saving
money
 is significant for the future
due to
 various opportunities that can be opened to someone face.
To begin
 with, most of the people from
this
 particular generation tend to purchase anything without thinking of the value of the
money
.
Moreover
, teens population tend to achieve financial failure by buying anything.
For instance
, a study from an article on the internet demonstrated that 64 per cent of teens today buy unuseful products
such
 as video games.
However
, some kids were taught how to save
money
 by their families and tend to save their
money
 for crucial things like educational books, etc. Another point to consider is that young individuals are taught how to save
money
 by their parents. when they grew up, they found life became easier
due to
 their capabilities.
For example
, there is a professor called Mirza;
this
 professor is teaching kids and adults how to be an economical person. His students tend to save
money
 and become wealthy.
However
, being economical is not as being stingy, many people around the world are very stingy, and they think that they are saving
money
. basically, Saving
money
 is to leave things that are not that important.
To sum up
,
although
 opinions may vary, I believe that saving
money
 is a crucial thing
due to
 the opportunities in the future.
Submitted by ferasmirza11 on

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task achievement
While your introduction successfully introduces the topic, try to be more explicit in stating your position on the issue. It would add clarity to your argument.
task achievement
Consider discussing both sides of the argument more thoroughly to provide a balanced view, even if you strongly agree with one side.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more concrete and relevant examples. Try to include specific case studies or anecdotes that support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your points are clearly linked to your main argument. Adding linking words or phrases can make the logical structure of your essay clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the topic, providing a relevant response to the prompt.
task achievement
You provide diverse perspectives on the topic, which enriches the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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