Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, advancement in technology has
revolutionalised
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revolutionised
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how
children
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spend their free time. Engaging in online
games
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or watching television
are
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is
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becoming more common nowadays. Some people think that
children
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are better off reading
books
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than playing
games
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online
while
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others think
otherwise
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. I believe if done in moderation,
children
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can gain benefits via the former activities. First of all, valuable knowledge can be gained via educational
computer
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games
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.
Moreover
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, it is a more interesting and interactive option for
children
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to engage in learning.
For example
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,
programmes
Correct your spelling
programs
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like Word Search, Sudoku and Fill The Missing Words allow
children
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to master their vocabulary better. Some
games
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that involve teamwork will aid
to instill
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in instilling
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this
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skill in them.
Furthermore
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, TV shows
such
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as Ted Talk and Discovery Channels allow
children
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to learn
while
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relaxing, killing two birds with one stone. Even more, parents can watch these programmes
together with
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their
children
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, making the family bonds stronger.
While
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some might prefer reading
books
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, it can be quite dull and boring for young
children
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as they can not interact with them directly.It
also
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lacks the interface that
computer
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games
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offer which would attract
children
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to spend long hours with.
Books
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might not be available as easily as gadgets
such
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as computers and mobile phones are everywhere in
this
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modern society. In summary, I believe that
children
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can learn better with the correct
computer
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games
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and TV shows rather than reading
books
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.Parents will need to monitor their
children
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so they don't lose track of time and become addicted to
computer
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games
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so their studies will not be affected negatively.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that presents your standpoint more explicitly.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points and enhance clarity in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate linking phrases or words to smoothly transition between ideas, improving overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by restating your main argument with more emphasis on its significance.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view on the issue, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as educational computer games and specific TV shows, adds credibility to your argument.
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