IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, population life expectancy getting longer than before. I believe that it is beneficial for society because older
people
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 have knowledge of their countries since in the past it was possible to adapt to the current circumstances and they know many cultures that new generations do not pay attention to . Many older population understand their home town and country better than younger ones
For example
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, In 2011, there was a big flood in Thailand that affected many provinces At that time, my aunt suggested one solution to prevent damage from
this
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 crisis. But my grandfather understood the layout of our home town and advised other ways to reduce the damage. After discussion, we followed his advice and found out it was going well. In Thailand,
due to
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 growing up significantly of technology, new generations were focused on new things. Some cultures and traditions in my country were less popular than before. Some started to vanish day by day. Many younger populations are not interested in it anymore. Sometimes government attempts to encourage young
people
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 to be part of Thai
culture
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.
Whereas
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 only some of the eldest
people
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 knew our
culture
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 efficiently. There was a club that gathered
people
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 even young or old together. Participants in the club shared their knowledge of Thai
culture
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 and taught each other. There was one of the movements that young
people
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 were still able to learn and spread our civilization to the next generations In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that older
people
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 are causing problems in their countries.
However
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, there were many benefits of having them.
For example
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, knowledge of places and countries in the past and ability to spread our
culture
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 and traditions. In the future, I think it is still possible that our societies are still full of
people
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 who have a long life expectancy.
Therefore
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, the government needs to support them because to their still one of the main powers supporting their country.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Make use of linking phrases to create a more fluid reading experience.
Task Response
For task achievement, ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed. In this case, discuss both perspectives on the ageing population and evaluate the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Expand on each point with more detailed reasoning and examples to enhance clarity and comprehension.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses examples to support the points, such as the flood example in Thailand. This strengthens your argument and makes your writing relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, encapsulating the main ideas clearly and reinforcing the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes relevant perspectives, providing a balanced view on the topic, which is fundamental in addressing IELTS task 2 essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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