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Band 5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
It is argued that more and more individuals will
growing
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grow
be growing
show examples
 an interest in opting for their homeland for a trip rather than a foreign
distination
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destination
.
Although
 many believe that
this
 would be beneficial from
economic
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an economic
show examples
stand point
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standpoint
show examples
 for families , I hold the position that going
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holidays could contribute to addressing some cultural
conflict
Fix the agreement mistake
conflicts
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 worldwide. On the
on
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one
show examples
 hand , exploring tourist resorts which belong to one’s country is more
cost effecting
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cost-effective
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, making it more accessible . People with different financial
backround
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background
backgrounds
 would have the chance to take a trip in their
leasure
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leisure
 time.
Therefore
 ,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 is less likely to be limited for low-income families .
In addition
 to that, couples with children would be enable to allocate their budget for their children in order to pave their way for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 . For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, Iran seems to be
such
case
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a case
show examples
 as they are struggling with financial
difficultie
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difficulties
 and
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 inflation rate.
Thus
 they will be choosing domestic
jurney
Correct your spelling
journey
 in order to be able
invest
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to invest
show examples
for
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in
show examples
 their
children
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children's
show examples
 education .
On the other hand
 , travelling across the border provides
individual
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individuals
show examples
 with opportunities to be acquainted with different traditions, resulting in
promotion
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the promotion
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 of
cultural-cross
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cultural
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 understanding. People regardless
their
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of their
show examples
 race or color develop their interactions , stimulating
sense
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a sense
show examples
 of sympathy .
As a result
, discrimination and racism are more likely to decline all around the globe . To clarify my point, blacks may be more integrated in various
Europen
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European
show examples
 nations.
however
, they used to profoundly feel excluded from society in past . To
conlude
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conclude
,
albeit
Correct word choice
although
show examples
 taking trips
oversea
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overseas
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not as affordable as domestic vacations , as far as I am concerned all people would
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from exploring different customs by enhancing worldwide peace and preventing
racisms
Fix the agreement mistake
racism
show examples
.
Submitted by naghnagh2727 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your points are clearly developed and supported with relevant examples throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and appropriate paragraphing. Make sure that each paragraph contains a single main idea related to the overall topic.
grammar
Check for minor grammatical mistakes, paying attention to sentence structure, verb forms, and prepositions to make your writing more precise.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses both sides of the argument, contributing to a well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression is maintained, and both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main ideas discussed.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the situation in Iran, aids in demonstrating the points made in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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