IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitions to take part in major competitons such as Olympics or Football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

I consider that both sights are correct. Considering successes in sports by people who constantly engage in a process, it could be said that, the more achievements will get during
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
, the more publicity and recognizability it will gain.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
investing
Change preposition
by investing
show examples
 a lot of money in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
preparation, a
government
Use synonyms
 reckon to get some results, particularly first
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 in order to get cups and medals. The number of people who participate in
Correct article usage
the olympics
show examples
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 usually able to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 it one way or another. It means, that they quite might
satisfiy
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of a
government
Use synonyms
, by making efforts
while
Linking Words
 preparing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 competitions. Different countries, as a rule, show various results, depending on a sport. Thereby, if some
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 confident that their representatives are ready
for winning
Change preposition
to win
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a championship, it will be much
worthy
Correct word choice
more worthwhile
show examples
 for the
government
Use synonyms
, to invest in them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a state pays attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of participants, that are
envolved
Correct your spelling
involved
 in preparation
proccesses
Correct your spelling
processes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and takes into account
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 need
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. In the absence of members, all investments
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 drawing attention to some sort of sports, if it requires growth and new children, who will grow up olympiad competitors. Thereby, attracting money in sports, it's becoming more discussed,
interesting
Correct word choice
and interesting
show examples
 for viewers, and eventually it creates a nation that will be healthy and successful.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically into the next. This will improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Clarify your position more clearly in the introduction and conclusion. This will help achieve a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and conclusion helps structure the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: