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Band 7

Some people suggest that social networking and online communication have increased social isolation. In what ways do you think this has happened? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, social networking and online communication have become an essential part of our daily lives. Despite their popularity, these technologies have contributed to social isolation in several ways, particularly by reducing face-to-face interactions and affecting the quality of
relationships
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, one major reason why social networking can lead to social isolation is that
people
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 spend too much time on their phones
instead
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 of communicating in person.
As a result
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, they may become less comfortable with face-to-face conversations and find it difficult to develop strong
relationships
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.
For example
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, many teenagers prefer texting their
friends
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 or scrolling through social media during breaks at school rather than talking to their classmates.
Consequently
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, they may miss valuable opportunities to build meaningful friendships.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, online communication can create the illusion that
people
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 are socially connected when they actually feel lonely.
Although
Linking Words
 social media allows users to have hundreds of online
friends
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, these
relationships
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 are not always as deep or supportive as real-life friendships.
People
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 sometimes focus too much on receiving likes and comments
instead
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 of developing genuine connections.
For instance
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, someone may regularly post pictures with
friends
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 and appear happy online
while
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 feeling lonely in their everyday life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, social networking and online communication can increase social isolation by replacing face-to-face conversations and encouraging superficial
relationships
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. To my mind, technology should be used to strengthen
relationships
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 rather than replace real human interaction.
People
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 should find a balance between their online activities and spending quality time with family and
friends
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.

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task response
Your answer deals with both main ways: less face-to-face talk and less deep links. To make it even stronger, add one more clear result for each way, such as poor talk skills or less help from close friends.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas well. You could make one example more real and full by saying how often the teen uses the phone and what happens to their links at school or at home.
task response
The last part gives a good view on what people should do. Keep this short, as you do now, and make sure the body gives most of the reasons and support.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and a clear end. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “Firstly”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”, guide the reader well. You could use fewer result links in the first body part, as several are close together.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between each reason and social isolation more direct. After each example, add a short line that clearly says how this can make a person feel alone.
task response
You answer the whole question and stay on the same topic from start to end.
task response
The idea that online friends can give a sense of being close while a person still feels alone is clear and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear: less real talk first, then less deep online links.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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