IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that,
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have become closer,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that new
technology
Use synonyms
 is the reason to separate
people
Use synonyms
 more.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the argument that “new
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 closer” and discusses it
further
Linking Words
. On the one hand,
technology
Use synonyms
 has improved the methods we have been using to communicate with each other and provides more facilities. In the beginning, basic devices used for communication,
such
Linking Words
 as telephone, telegraph machines, mail etc…, which provided facilities for only voice calls, have been improved gradually and at the moment
people
Use synonyms
 are able to conduct virtual meetings via video conferencing facilities provided by social media, internet, smartphones etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the support of internet coverage, smartphones and social media have enabled
people
Use synonyms
 to a limitless, instant communication regardless of location. For instance, before few years ago, in my department, if there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a need to conduct an official meeting, all participants had to gather in one place and conduct the meeting physically. But at present, almost all of the meetings are conducted online via Zoom, which provides the same experience and
fulfills
Change the spelling
fulfils
show examples
 the requirements of the meeting.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, heavy usage of the internet and social media makes
people
Use synonyms
 spend more time with their laptops and smartphones, which results in the reduction of physical gatherings.
Due to
Linking Words
 the above, the separation between
people
Use synonyms
 has increased. The new generation of youth is the best example of
this
Linking Words
 issue. But
this
Linking Words
 issue can be overcome by implementing proper activities among youth, which will make them engage in more physical activities. In conclusion, I believe that the new
technology
Use synonyms
 supports
people
Use synonyms
 to become closer, regardless of time and location.
However
Linking Words
, proper measures should be taken to avoid addictions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Consider strengthening your conclusion by succinctly restating the main points discussed in the essay. This helps reinforce your arguments and gives a more robust end to your response.
improvement
While your ideas are clearly expressed, you could vary sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement.
improvement
Some minor grammatical errors are present, such as using 'the advancement of technology' instead of 'advancement of technology.' Proofreading for such small issues can refine your essay further.
content
The essay effectively outlines both sides of the argument, providing a balanced analysis that demonstrates strong task response skills.
structure
The introduction clearly states the essay's position, making it easy for readers to understand the perspective from the outset.
examples
Usage of a personal example to illustrate the positive side of technology in communication is relevant and strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: