Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater than it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary era, the
qualifications
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of young
people
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have witnessed a significant rise. The question of the root causes of
this
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phenomenon resulting from readily accessible
education
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or a competitive job market has become a matter of considerable debate.
This
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essay will explore two viewpoints, and I believe that the availability of
education
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plays a more crucial role in
this
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trend. On the one hand, today’s job market is highly competitive. With globalisation and technological advancements, the demand for skilled and knowledgeable workers has increased significantly.
As a result
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, young
people
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strive to attain higher
qualifications
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to distinguish themselves from their peers.
For instance
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, many students pursue advanced degrees and professional certifications to enhance their employability.
This
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fierce competition for desirable positions undoubtedly pushes individuals to invest more in their
education
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.
On the other hand
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, the expansion of educational
opportunities
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has been crucial in improving young
people
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's
qualifications
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. Over the past few decades, the number of universities and vocational training institutes worldwide has significantly increased.
Additionally
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, online
education
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platforms have made learning more accessible and affordable. Scholarships, grants, and student loans have
also
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enabled more individuals to pursue higher
education
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. These
opportunities
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have empowered young
people
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to achieve higher
qualifications
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, regardless of their economic backgrounds. From the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
while
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job market competition has influenced the pursuit of higher
qualifications
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, the increased availability of educational
opportunities
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has been the key factor in the improved
qualifications
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of today's youth. By providing more
opportunities
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for learning and development, society has enabled young
people
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to acquire the skills and knowledge needed to succeed in the modern world.
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task achievement
You have effectively addressed both perspectives and provided a clear opinion, which is excellent. However, including more specific examples or evidence to support your points could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a coherent flow of ideas. To improve further, consider making slightly clearer transitions between your points and elaborating a bit more on each viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your arguments in a cohesive manner.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with well-organized paragraphs and a clear delineation of each perspective.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and effectively expressed your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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