IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the threat of punishment. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

I agree to a large extent that improving living conditions is a more effective approach to preventing
crime
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 than relying solely on
punishment
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. Socioeconomic factors like poverty, lack of
education
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, and limited job opportunities often push individuals toward
crime
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. By addressing these root causes, we can create a society where fewer people feel compelled to break the law in the first place.
First,
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improved access to
education
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 and employment gives individuals the skills and means to earn a legitimate income, reducing their need to resort to
crime
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. Studies have shown that
crime
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 rates tend to be lower in areas with higher employment rates and better educational facilities.
For instance
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, youth who have access to quality
education
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 are less likely to join gangs or engage in criminal activities.
Second,
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better living conditions foster a sense of community and social support, reducing the social isolation and frustration that can lead to criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. When people feel valued and part of a supportive society, they are less likely to engage in harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
On the other hand
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, the threat of
punishment
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 serves as a deterrent, but it only addresses
crime
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 after it has occurred.
While
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 it can help to control
crime
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 to some extent, it does not address the underlying causes. In some cases, a harsh
punishment
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 may even lead to
further
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 resentment and repeated
offenses
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offences
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. In conclusion,
while
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punishment
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 is necessary for maintaining order, improving living conditions provides a more sustainable and compassionate approach to
crime
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 prevention. By investing in
education
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, healthcare, and economic opportunities, society can create an environment where fewer people are driven to commit crimes in the first place.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete and thorough response, clearly discussing both the improvements in living conditions and the role of punishment in crime prevention. However, a more detailed example could further strengthen the argument. Consider including specific case studies or statistical data to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, and ideas are logically structured. Consider providing more explicit transitions between paragraphs to further guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, focusing on the importance of both improving living conditions and the deterrent effect of punishment.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported. The essay outlines clear benefits of improving living conditions such as education and community support, providing a strong foundation for the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • living conditions
  • crime prevention
  • threat of punishment
  • root causes
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • community development
  • social welfare programs
  • mental health support
  • alternative pathways
  • criminal behavior
  • social issues
  • productive society
  • Quality of life
  • Empowerment
  • Employability
  • Societal impact
  • Preventive measures
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