IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In these times, many nations have famous cities with residents all over the world. In my opinion, the government can offer a plethora of solutions, but, to fully address
this
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, speaking one
language
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 and learning other people's
cultures
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. First of all, if the citizens speak different languages, making unity for one
language
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 will be the best solution.
However
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, few argue that studying another
language
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 is hard for them and
English
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 will take years.
In contrast
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,
English
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 is the easiest and the most superior
language
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 in the world. To illustrate, a study was made in the USA between 10 people who speak the same
language
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, every person learnt a
language
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 that another person could not study the same, which were
English
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, Arabic, Polish, Indian and Spanish etc.
As a result
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, the fastest person
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
show examples
 a
language
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 was the one who studied
English
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.
Additionally
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, educating a little bit about other
cultures
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 will make an enormous impact
such
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 as knowing how to behave in their words and awareness campaigns will have a positive effect.
On the contrary
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, many disagreements about
this
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, owing to, hating other
cultures
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 and close-mind.
On the other hand
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, if someone demonstrates some educational background about the history of other countries,
therefore
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, people will admire him as he is fond of others.
For instance
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, the first time I arrived in the UK, I did not have any notions about the residents there,
thus
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, I acted a little weird, but my second time there, I learnt a lot about them and how to behave like them. In conclusion, uniting the
language
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 is a viable solution and studying other
cultures
Use synonyms
 is to make connections with them.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the examples you provide to effectively support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Take care to maintain clarity in your language; try to simplify complex sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a cohesive structure.
task achievement
Attempts to provide relevant examples, like personal experience in the UK, that tie back to your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
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