IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Life now is better than it was 100 years ago. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statment? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Several individuals prefer working for long
hours
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 and
as a result
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, they don’t get enough time for leisure activities. Making a good career and creating a competitive edge over colleagues are the biggest
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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while
Linking Words
 mental
health
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 issues and developing bad habits are the primary disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. To commence with, nowadays competition in the
job
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 market is fierce, and it is very difficult for employees to get
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 or find a
job
Use synonyms
 with a good salary.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to sustain the
job
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 they have and to get a raise, workers often choose to
work
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 beyond their regular
job
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hours
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, employees who show more dedication towards their
job
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 by working for long
hours
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, create a competitive edge over their colleagues.
For example
Linking Words
, as per
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study, most managers tend to have a positive image
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 employees who
work
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 after
job
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hours
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.
Although
Linking Words
 working for more
hours
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 is advantageous for better career prospects, it shouldn’t be prioritized at the cost of leisure and fun activities. To explain in detail, leisure activities like light exercise, going for small trips,
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
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 quality time with family all have a significant impact on physical and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. Since many people suffer from mental
health
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 issues
due to
Linking Words
 long working
hours
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, they start smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol to cope with the stress.
This
Linking Words
 is why, working for long
hours
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 is not recommended when mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
 get compromised. In conclusion, even though spending extended
hours
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 at
work
Use synonyms
 may increase the chances of getting promoted or getting a pay raise, its adverse effects on mental and physical
health
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 should be taken into consideration
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 deciding to
work
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 for long
hours
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, developing the habit of drinking and smoking to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress at
work
Use synonyms
 is never a good option either in the short run or in the long run.

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Language use
Try to include a wider range of vocabulary to better express your ideas and make your arguments more compelling.
Task achievement
Ensure that your examples are detailed and directly relevant to the main argument you are presenting for stronger support of your ideas.
Language use
To further enhance the effectiveness of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more. This will add complexity and sophistication to your writing.
Task achievement
Remember to include a balanced discussion when the question asks for arguments on both sides. This includes dedicating equal parts of your essay to discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, even if you have a strong opinion one way.
Coherence and cohesion
You've done an excellent job organizing your essay in a coherent manner with clear logical structure and smooth transitions between paragraphs.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, rounding off the essay nicely and reinforcing your stance.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is complete, with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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