Fewer and fewer children are willing to look after their parents as they get older these days.Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
According to
opinion
of some Add an article
the opinion
people
, today just a little
amount of grown Correct word choice
small
children
take care for
their Change preposition
of
parents
as they get older. This
essay will present the argument against this
trend.
First and foremost there are some countries in the world, like Italy and the Caucasian area where people
live in big communities because traditions and customs play significant
role. Family members have tight bonds and family gathering with communications is Add an article
a significant
important
part of their lives. Add an article
an important
Old
generation in these societies is cherished and looking after them is Correct article usage
The old
the
honour. Correct article usage
an
This
is the fundamental rule, that all generations should be respected with elders on top.
Another factor is the
mutual help, where Correct article usage
apply
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
children
have their own children
and grandparents looking
after grandchildren. Wrong verb form
look
This
example of connection between family members, in case if
the family is not dysfunctional Correct word choice
apply
help
surround Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
child
with love, care and proper upbringing. Almost every parent admits, that they rely more on their own Add an article
the child
a child
parents
than to give a child to kindergarten from an early years. When the grandparents need care in
Change preposition
at
an
Change the article
a
venerable
age, Correct your spelling
vulnerable
children
pay back with respect and stay near. Thus
looking after parents
is the normal experience of many societies.
On the
contrary
some Add a comma
contrary,
modern styled
adults want to keep Add a hyphen
modern-styled
independency
up to very senior ages. They deliberately choose to live alone without disturbance, are quite active and like travelling. Replace the word
independence
This
category of the
Correct article usage
apply
people
has other sort
of Change the wording
another sort
other sorts
the
logic and thinks they do not want to be Correct article usage
apply
burden
to anybody till the end of their days.
In conclusion, Add an article
a burden
nevertheless
there are some Add a comma
nevertheless,
people
hold
the idea that independence is Correct pronoun usage
who hold
the
priceless resource, I tend to think that Correct article usage
a
people
who prefer looking after parents
gain the priceless experience Correct pronoun usage
their parents
to be
with Change preposition
of being
Correct pronoun usage
their beloved
beloved
ones Correct your spelling
loved
as
long as possible.Change preposition
for as
Submitted by nairaaliyarova on
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task response
Ensure that your argument is consistently clear and directly answers the question: Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? More explicitly state your position in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to ensure smooth progression and linkage.
task response
Provide more specific examples to back up your points. Consider using data or anecdotes that clearly illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively wraps up the essay, restating and reinforcing your main arguments.
task response
You've successfully highlighted cultural perspectives and how they influence family care in your essay, showcasing societal differences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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