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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fewer and fewer children are willing to look after their parents as they get older these days. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #parents #trend
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According to
 the opinion of some
people
, today just a small amount of grown children take care of their
parents
 as they get older.
This
 essay will present the argument against
this
 trend. First and foremost there are some countries in the world, like Italy and the Caucasian area where
people
 live in big communities because traditions and customs play a significant role. Family members have tight bonds and family gathering with communications is an important part of their lives. The old generation in these societies is cherished and looking after them is an honour.
This
 is the fundamental rule, that all generations should be respected with elders on top. Another factor is mutual help, where the grown-up generation has their own children and grandparents look after grandchildren.
This
 example of connection between family members, in case the family is not dysfunctional helps surround a child with love, care and proper upbringing. Almost every parent admits, that they rely more on their own
parents
 than to give a child to kindergarten from an early years. When the grandparents need care at a vulnerable age, children pay back with respect and stay near.
Thus
 looking after
parents
 is the normal experience of many societies.
On the contrary
, some modern-styled adults want to keep independence up to very senior ages. They deliberately choose to live alone without disturbance, are quite active and like travelling.
This
 category of
people
 thinks
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 to societies shown before they do not want to be a burden to anybody till the end of their days and
choose
Add the particle
choose to
show examples
 get help from government caring
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
,
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 from their relatives. In conclusion,
nevertheless
, there are some
people
 who hold the idea that independence is a priceless resource, I tend to think that
people
 who prefer looking after their
parents
 gain the priceless experience of being with loved ones for as long as possible.
Submitted by nairaaliyarova on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all arguments are equally developed throughout the essay to maintain balance.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphs to delineate different points more distinctly, enhancing the essay's organizational clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly articulated, framing the essay well.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, particularly the cultural differences in family structures.
task achievement
The task is addressed well with a clear opinion presented regarding the trend's disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Generational dynamics
  • Elderly care
  • Filial piety
  • Professional care services
  • Psychological well-being
  • Social responsibility
  • Financial burden
  • Emotional strain
  • Nuclear family
  • Assisted living
  • Health care systems
  • Social norms
  • Dependency ratio
  • Aging population
  • Cultural values
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