IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that mass media only brings negative effects to society and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #mass #media #effects #society
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While
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 some contend that the impact of
mass
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media
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 is purely negative on society, I argue that these drawbacks pale into insignificance compared to its immeasurable advantages.
Therefore
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,
mass
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media
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 prohibition solely because it is not in favour of certain groups is not an ideal solution. Admittedly, the irreparable consequences that
mass
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media
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 brings about in different social groups increase the propensity for it to be banned.
Firstly
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, certain programmes prioritize revenue generation over individuals’ health. These reality TV shows, advertisements, and magazines are tinted with sensationalized
information
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 that might cause detrimental effects on people’s lives.
For example
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, the illustration of thin models on the front pages of health and fashion magazines has led to teenagers becoming oversensitive about their weight.
This
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 distorted mentality can deter them from eating wholesome, healthy meals, which in turn can cause several chronic problems,
such
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 as anorexia and depression.
This
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 unfortunate phenomenon adds to another problem.
Although
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 doctors and nurses try to remedy the situation and encourage a more balanced lifestyle by prescribing medicines and providing guidance, their efforts pale compared to the significant influence of alluring images and widespread broadcastings.
Therefore
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, an immense portion of healthcare funding will be allocated only for a futile attempt to fight a losing battle.
However
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, these drawbacks pale compared to the accessibility and reliability of these platforms favour the majority of society. One primary advantage of
mass
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media
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 is its easy access to news and
information
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. By rolling news, live streams, and daily newspapers, people can learn about the latest incidents 24 hours a day. Being cognizant of pressing issues enables individuals to plan and act
accordingly
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,
as well as
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 predict how events ultimately unfold.
This
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 approach helps to prevent problems and take measures in order to address issues.
For instance
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, the awareness of natural hazards in advance gives people adequate time to store much-needed items.
Moreover
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,
while
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 alternative
media
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,
such
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 as social
media
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 platforms, contribute to broadcasting news, it is impossible to check the validity of
information
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 and its sources,
whereas
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mass
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media
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 is obligated to operate under the rules imposed.
As a result
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, banning the mainstream
media
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 from broadcasting ultimately prohibits individuals from accessing validated
information
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. In conclusion, it is not feasible to ban
mass
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media
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 when its benefits have been proven to outweigh its disadvantages.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, perhaps by using more linking words or transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting the writer's viewpoints and summarizing key arguments effectively.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant details and examples, making arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
The task is addressed fully with a balanced argument, discussing both the positive and negative impacts of mass media.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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