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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
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Some people think that studying with mixed genders is more beneficial for
children
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,
while
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 others think that
single gender
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single-gender
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schools
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 are more effective than mixed
schools
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. On the one hand, when boys and girls attend separate
schools
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, they will spend more time focusing on their
studies
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.
This
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 is because there will not be any opposite gender to be attracted to and to get involved in any affairs. The schooling hours will be fully utilised to learn something rather than being diverted from
studies
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 and spending time with the ones they might have
affair
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affairs
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with in
Correct your spelling
within
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 the
school
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.
For example
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, in Nepal, students from St. Mary’s Girls
School
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 showed a better academic performance than the girls who completed their
school
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 years
from
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at
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 a co-educational institution.
However
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, I believe that
children
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 attending mixed
school
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 will learn to be more social in the future.
On the other hand
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, co-education is more beneficial for
children
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 because they will learn some social skills during their
school
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 years.
This
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 is to say that
children
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 of both genders will be allowed to have combined
studies
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 and will learn how to deal politely with a person of the opposite sex, an important skill which is highly accepted by society.
For example
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, boys who finished their
studies
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 at co-educational
schools
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 showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required.
For
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this
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 reason, it is better for
children
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 to attend mixed
schools
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 as it helps them to learn essential social skills. In conclusion, both of these mixed-gender
schools
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 offer unique advantages and disadvantages.
This
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 kind of
school
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 can be a reason for getting involved in any affairs.
However
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, co-education is more educational for all students because they need more offline classes and they will learn social skills for it.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, focus on refining the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, a clearer progression of ideas and smoother transitions would improve readability.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay successfully discusses both views and provides your own opinion. However, ensure that your arguments are consistently clear and comprehensive throughout. Adding depth to some of your points, especially in the second body paragraph, will make your essay stronger.
task achievement
You have appropriately discussed both perspectives on the topic and included your own opinion, which meets the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your argument, enhancing the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
The examples used in your essay are relevant and help to support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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