Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
smartphones
are used in every people’s
life especially young individuals Fix the agreement mistake
person’s
such
as teenager
and children. A few children waste hours in their daily activities on their Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
smartphones
. This
essay will support a negative development than
a positive development from my perspective.
Rephrase
rather than
Firstly
, students who spend a lot of time on their smartphones
can cause an issue of their mentality due to
the fact that they experienced a
cyberbullying on Correct article usage
apply
the
social media. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, a children
read a lot of hate comments in their one photo Fix the agreement mistake
child
which
posted on Instagram. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In addition
, the usage of smartphones
that
are very intensive, might addict the children’s brains to use hours every day because of the feeling of curiosity when they win the game match Correct pronoun usage
which
in
their phone. Change preposition
on
For instance
, a young person who played Mobile Legend,
tends to want to play again in the next match.
Remove the comma
apply
On the other hand
, while
spend
hours Replace the word
spending
of
Change preposition
on
smartphone
can bring many disadvantages, it Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
also
give
some advantages. Parents who give a smartphone to their kids to study subjects at Change the verb form
gives
school
and search a meaningful information, can hone the child’s skills and increase their subject marks at school
. As an illustration, a student middle
Change preposition
in middle
school
who wants to study and memorize about
biology whose topic is about bones inside of the human body, can use a search engine like Change preposition
apply
google
on their phone to find the Capitalize word
Google
name
of the bone types. Fix the agreement mistake
names
Thus
, they can have a good score when the school
hold an exam about
biology.
In conclusion, using Change preposition
in
smartphones
for a long time can bring negative developments such
as a
Correct article usage
apply
cyber bullying
and Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
addicted
. Replace the word
addiction
On
Change preposition
In
the
contrast, the usage of Correct article usage
apply
phone
can bring some benefits if we use it when necessary for Correct article usage
a phone
study
and Replace the word
studying
search
information to increase our knowledge.Fix the agreement mistake
searching for
Submitted by riani.the2 on
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between ideas. Use linking words or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Be clear and concise in your argument. Consider rephrasing some ideas for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your perspective and sets up the essay. Well done!
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the points, such as the mention of a child reading hate comments and a student using a search engine. Great job!