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Band 5.5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. Causes & solutions.

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
It is a target of all
people
 to obtain a balance between
work
 & lives though few
people
 can achieve it. Here I will mention and describe the causes behind
this
 problem and ways to solve
this
. Nowadays, there are high
stree
Correct your spelling
stress
 levels and job demands in workplaces resulting in difficulties for individuals to maintain a proper
work
-
life
 balance. Employers expect employees to be active for almost 24 hours which leads to overwork and limited personal time.
For example
, in an FMCG (Fast Moving Consumer Goods) company, most of the employees are
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
work
 pressure
due to
 production demand and
thus
 they need to do overtime.
This
 results in
unorganized
Correct article usage
an unorganized
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and
work
 schedule.
On the other hand
,
excess
Replace the word
excessive
show examples
use
 of digital technology affects the routine of
people
. Since smartphones, laptops and other devices have become so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
available, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are addicted to
this
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and
use
 them unlimitedly. Because of
this
, they fail to manage time for their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
as well as
 themselves. To solve
this
 problem, employers should make organized and routined workplaces so that the job holders can finish their tasks within fixed times.
Besides
this
,
people
 should know the
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 of technology usage and must maintain a well-organized routine to lead a healthy
work
-
life
. In sum, it can be said that high job demands and unnecessary
use
 of technology cause
imbalance
Correct article usage
an imbalance
show examples
 between
work
 and
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. In order to make things easy, everyone should maintain a
routined
Correct your spelling
routine
show examples
life
as well as
 reduce the
use
 of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
.
Therefore
,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
balance in
life
 and
work
 is important and
this
 could be ensured by
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 planned
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
.
Submitted by writing9common on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and logical structure, try to structure your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Explicit transitions between points can help in maintaining a smoother flow for the reader.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or data to substantiate your claims. You might also want to avoid broader statements without specific backing to increase comprehensiveness.
Task Achievement
For a more advanced response, try exploring some deeper implications of work-life imbalance or include perspectives from both employees and employers for a nuanced discussion.
Language and Grammar
Ensure to distinguish between singular and plural forms accurately, for example, 'work and life balance' instead of 'work & lives'. This helps in enhancing clarity and grammatical precision.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the topic by identifying both causes and solutions related to work-life balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
A strong introduction sets up the topic nicely, and the conclusion reinforces the main message effectively, tying back to the overall argument about work-life balance.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses relevant aspects such as stress levels in the workplace and technology use, crucial elements that affect work-life balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
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